Opposites Attract. in Phoenix

You know, they do, actually. And that’s the problem for me, every damn time. I’ve always picked guys who are the opposite of me. That’s why they all wanted to change me. They were attracted to the opposite-ness of me but that shit never lasts. Eventually, they grew bored with who I actually was and so they had to try and make me be something somewhat closer to their liking. And I’m guilty of the same. Like I was gonna tame any of those bad boys, those tough guys? Like they were going to tame me?!

Man, fuck that.

I suppose he needs a name and there’s only one I can think of that’s appropriate.

The Unicorn.

I feel like we are so very alike in so many ways. There is no opposite-ness. Differences, yes, but nothing drastic. There’s something so comforting about not only being with him, in his presence, but also in the knowledge of his existence, and his place in my life. There’s something magical and real and beautuful here. It shines so bright, this link between us, this bond that I never knew was forged.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to be different, trying to be what I believed would earn me the love and affection I desperately desired.

All I ever would have had to do was grow a pair and message my dream boy.

Except, no, that isn’t right, is it? No, I had to go through all of the bullshit to reach the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The good things in life are rarely free. They require a lot of hard work and, apparently, a lot of emotional (and sometimes physical) scars, a lot of falling down and getting the fuck back up.

But this is so worth it, worth every minute of heartache, every bit of pain, the years of rage and, often, violence. I had to hit rock bottom before I could really see my true path forward to who I was meant to be.

This. This is who I was meant to be. Whatever this is. Meant to love him and meant to love myself more fully through him. Meant to fail so many times so that, finally, I could win, and win big.

Last updated May 07, 2019