I woke up the other day mad that I don’t look like an Instagram model again lol. I’m embarrassed. I do workout more than most people and I do not have the results that I want and I know that is because I am not counting my macros. I need to work smarter, not harder.
Anyways, I had an epiphany this morning about my mental health. I will always need something to be upset about. Something to put in front of my real problems. Something that I can blame everything on. Currently, it is my job. I need to accept, once again, that I am the problem in my life. I am a grown man and I cannot blame the world for my problems… I just want out of this funk though.
Everybody has been home for over a week now and it sucks lol. I think that I am actually experiencing blue balls? Or testicular cancer. I don’t want to complain about work in this entry, for once, but Karam is determined to break up my days off for no good reason. She was dumped by her old boss and now she is determined to take complete control over one of my boss’s stores. Mine would be ideal for her because then she would get to have my salary. I made the joke about getting fired or quitting and she was just playing into it. Basically trying to convince me to quit. I just need this job on my application for when I apply for an apartment. Then I’m out. I do want to get fired and get a nice severance package though
Last night while I was depressed I was thinking about what I need to do to get myself out of this funk. I’m tired of running, literally. The weather is nice and I like to get out of my head and go for a run. Yesterday, Karamjeet found my old IG account and got to see old selfies. I stopped doing social media and also deleted all my content in October so she has never seen anything. She got smitten. I didn’t have facial hair in those and I also used to get haircuts. So! I was tempted, last night, to book an appointment and get a new haircut. I hated having to go in every month or so to get my hair redone and go through all the hair products like crazy but I dunno, maybe I can commit to that again? I also enjoy having my hair long… and don’t lol. Karamjeet thinks that getting a boyfriend or sleeping around would fix all my problems. Like, nope. Anyways, here is a selfie from 2013 and one from 2018. You know, the amount of hours I spent editing all my photos to not look like me is why I wake up hating myself for not looking like an IG model. So glad that I stopped. For now.