April. 22. 2019 in Process of a Brokenhearted Woman

I am feeling a mix of emotions. I’m upset. Hurt. Annoyed. Over it. Sad. Depressed. Lost. Lonely.
Why? Because we are in a limbo stage. We agreed. Right? Is this your excuse for kissing me, holding me, loving on me and then what? Ignoring me. Yesterday was Easter and you didn’t even text me. Not until I texted you, that is. It was almost 1pm, and I hadn’t heard from you. Yet all you tell me is “Merry Easter” Which I thought was cute.. well cause you’re cute. But then I ask you what you are doing and you ignore me for 3-4 hours. I get it, you need your alone time. But come on.. how hard is it to communicate? :/ This has always been our biggest setback is our communication. You ignored me and then asked if you could come and spend time with my family. My gosh, I want you more than anything. I want to talk to you.. But you are making it very obvious.. you don’t want me the way I want you. I feel like you want me when it is convenient for you. You want me around when you’ve snapped out of whatever head-thought coma you put yourself in. You got here.. and we had so much fun! I was able to hold you.. massage you.. caress your hair and body. I was able to get those magical kisses that I’ve been missing like crazy. We went to the park and watched the sunset.. Then went to your house and watched “Breaking In” which led to you laying on my lap. Me playing with your hair. Some kisses here and there. Some hand holding. We got Carls Jr. You gave me a few kisses goodnight..and then you ignored me till the next day around 12:30. I sent you a prayer message, knowing you were still up. I sent you a goodmorning text, knowing you were up and you’d see it. And all you said back was “Thank you, that was a nice prayer. I’m in class.” Why did that take you so long? What is making you distance yourself so much? Why are you ignoring me? “You’re giving me a million reasons to let go..but baby I just need one good one to stay.”
The one person I want attention from the most is the one person who doesn’t want to give me any of his attention.
“I’ve never heard silence quite this loud.” “I didn’t want us to burn out. I didn’t come here to hurt you.. now I can’t stop..”
I love you so freaking much. I wish you loved me the way I love you.
I promise I can be her. Just give me a chance.
But you’ll notice it.
When I move on.

Last updated April 22, 2019