I Blew Up in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

  • April 19, 2019, 5:45 p.m.
  • |
  • Public

I blew up for the first time in a long time.
I feel like a total asshole.
I want to crawl into a hole and die.
But I was just pushed too far.

I was asked to help open this restaurant…so I came to open it. And it has been hell so far, and I have not made any money…and it’s just been three weeks of bullshit basically.

I was hired on as a bartender and in three weeks I have not made one drink.

There was a last straw.
I called one of my managers and yelled and swore and I felt bad.
My other manager text me and said she didn’t appreciate being called spiteful and talked poorly about.

I told her I didn’t call her spiteful or talk poorly about her, I said I felt like I was being disrespected and chastised event though I was going above and beyond, but I did get emotional and I apologized for getting emotional.

I haven’t heard back from her yet.

I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and throw up and die.

Golnar text me…she said she felt that I needed someone.
I really do love her so much.
I think she’s going to come by for a little bit.
I told her I’m in pretty bad shape.
I dunno.

I have a lot of you to catch up on.
A lot of reading to do.
I’ve been gone.
I don’t know if I can read right now…I want to curl up and die.
I want to kill myself.
I want to run away.
I want to disappear.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate losing my temper and yelling at people, but lately I just have been in this mode where I have felt like I don’t want to take shit from anyone anymore so I’m still being a nice person, but I’m not just smiling and taking it when people are being rude or talking down to me or trying to take advantage of me.

And I definitely feel taken advantage of.


I love you.

Deleted user April 19, 2019

I love you.

Superposition Deleted user ⋅ April 27, 2019


Deleted user April 20, 2019

If they are taking advantage of you, they deserve your anger. But then let the anger go, please don't turn it against yourself.

Superposition Deleted user ⋅ April 27, 2019

I've let it go at this point...but it definitely ruined me for this week, I think.

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