Pink Linen on White Paper in Trying to Hold On

  • April 17, 2019, 1:39 a.m.
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Yesterday was a day. The burning of Notre Dame is bloody tragic and I will say nothing with the intent to do anything but offer prayers and strength to the city of Paris. That being said, after the weekend I had… feels like an appropriate (if awful) way to start Holy Week. Weekend of Palm Sunday: Congratulations, the world is full of the worst types of people and they actually have power! Monday of Holy Week: One of the most iconic churches in the history of the world is burning; God’s heart hurts that much. Shit… Notre Dame pre-dates SO MANY THINGS! Notre Dame’s construction began in 1163 and was completed in 1345. The church pre-dates the Black Plague! It freakin’ pre-dates Chaucer!

This morning was more or less regular. Woke up, showered, took the dog outside. She actually peed and pooped which is fabulous news! Got in the car to come to work… song on the radio was “Shimmer” by Fuel. This was the song that Aku said was “our song.” Immediately after that played was the song “She Hates Me” by Puddle of Mudd which came out the year we started dating. It was enough to instantly send my brain into a PAST ALTERATION SPIRAL for the entire drive to work.

When would I send my mind back to? September 23, 1999. Then I really went through the big changes. I still would have dated T2; but the break up would have been infinitely different and perhaps would not have negatively affected the trip to Germany. I would have not pursued Sarah and would have spent my time that summer living my own damned life. I would have delivered a much more clever Audition Skit for Mimes (and still not been selected; but at least it would be something I was proud of). I would have been much more focused and less “busy running around” in my Junior Year. I still would have dated Buffy; but maybe I would have had the courage to speak my mind better. I would have kept my job at the Grocery Store and done a much better job of time management while filming the movie. I would NOT have gone dancing the night I met Aku and would have reported to the Film Set instead. I might have called Shashi to hang out, instead of following the abyssal void. I would have spent my Senior Year trying to connect with my friends more, trying to do better at swimming, trying to earn more money.... instead of flush the entire year away due to Aku. If something didn’t get started with Shashi; maybe even take a crack at a legitimate relationship with Aoife. I would not have spent my Graduation Money on a Cello and would have invested the money into the stock market instead. I would not have gone to UNI, instead going to Drake in Prelaw. This would allow me to still be in the Des Moines Area for the back to back to back deaths of Mom’s Dad, the Family Dog, then Dad’s Mom. Plus, if Aoife and I were together, it would keep me in the city with her. Plus… going to Prelaw School (and law school) in the city that holds the largest Prosecutor’s Office in the State.... might have helped me get an internship there then a job there… and if not there than perhaps a job at almost any Prosecutor’s Office in the state when I applied. And if Aoife and I wouldn’t work out… because while I stayed in Des Moines, she moved off to Minnesota or Wisconsin or Michigan… the City has enough Night Life and Young People that I could still engage in Social Connections (very unlike small town Iowa).

Then I got to work and the song “Pardon Me” by Incubus was playing. Another song that reminds me of High School. So that all seemed fitting.

So… here’s something random. I am an Anime Fan and Comic Book lover. I can tell you why and EXACTLY the reasons behind finding the DC Character Raven so bloody attractive. I could wax poetic about Saeko Busujima for an entire entry explaining how she is attractive as a character and as a body. Nothing surprising, really. But then… a lot of those things are relatively intentionally sexualized. Busujima is in a borderline Ecchi Harem Anime. Raven, while cast throughout the Media Spectrum, is a half-demon chick whose costume is very Leg Friendly.

But recently… possibly even as a lark… someone said, “I bet I could find a character in a children’s cartoon that was drawn in a style NOT meant to accent sexuality that you would find irresistible.” Always curious for a challenge, I said: Go Ahead. They… were right. I’ve never watched Phineas and Ferb. True story. But the character description and image shared? Yeah. That’s… definitely my speed.
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Strangely… I’m disappointed with myself today. As my hearings have all been continued… I have loads of time. I’m reading Prosebox Entries… but not noting. I’m reading cases… but find myself having difficulty caring. Today, it just seems, nothing is quite breaking through the apathy.

Well, perhaps one thing but it is confusing. Our local Elementary School Principal came to us from a bigger county. Literally double the size of us. And he’s dedicated to keeping kids in school. I like that. There are FAR too many people who wind up in my courtrooms saying that the highest education they received was 8th Grade or 9th Grade. In today’s world, there’s no excuse for that! (Though… it explains why this is Steve King Country). I genuinely want to do whatever I can as a Private Citizen or Professional Government Employee to get kids to go to school. Except… this guy calls me every week. To give me the names of the children that have missed 20 or more days of school. And frankly… there’s nothing I can do, so why keep calling me? Honestly. If you want the police to get involved, call the cops. We’ve tried it before, there’s little they can or will do. If you want DHS to get involved, call them. We’re trying it all the time… thus why our county has more DHS involvement than counties 3 times our size. But honestly… as an ATTORNEY… as an attorney THAT DOESN’T REPRESENT THE SCHOOL… what exactly am I supposed to do with these weekly phone calls? He calls me and asks what he should do. And I tell him he’s free to call the police or DHS. And then he asks what he should do if that doesn’t work. I don’t know, Dude. You’re the Principal. Ask the school board’s attorney. Failure to bring Student to Class does not rise to the level of Court Required Government Intervention. We don’t have the man power to have an entire Law Enforcement Body dedicated to truancy. What more do you want?

I guess there are a few other things breaking through the apathy as well.

This Jack Ma thing bothers me. Not just as someone who knows China but that, too. When you have an entire culture trying to decide between suicide and work already? Maaaaaaaybe an over-privileged billionaire telling people that 996 is “appropriate and better” is a douchey and evil thing to say? For those that may not be aware… 996 is the shorthand for a “system of work” being discussed in China whereby workers are at work from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. from Monday through Saturday. Thus the 9 to 9, 6 days a week: 996. Even if you are bloody well obsessed with your sodding job… like… get up in the morning thrilled to have your job and excited to go to it.... would even YOU want to do a 12 hour shift every day? Now compound that by saying “a 12 hour shift every day for six days in a row?” Now compound that by saying “This is your new normal. You are required to work 12 hour shifts, six days in a row, 52 weeks a year.”

For me? You could let me create the job and, after designing my IDEAL JOB, I still wouldn’t be okay with 996!!! Honestly. Description: Job is to test electronic system limits. Play video games while watching movies while cruising internet. That is all job is. Okay… but after 288 hours of that, I’m going to lose my fucking mind. 288 is just ONE MONTH of 996!! I mean… I get it… this is clearly the world where Chinese Boss was raised… but shit. Even Chinese Government Run Media is saying, “Advocating hard work and commitment does not mean forcing overtime,” wrote state-run newspaper People’s Daily in a commentary published Sunday. “The mandatory enforcement of 996 overtime culture not only reflects the arrogance of business managers, but also is unfair and impractical.”

And here’s the thing… people love to say China’s Socialism is proof that State Run is always bad. Yeah. You know why? Same reason why State Run was bad in Venezuela. Same reason why Corporate Run is bad in the United States. Whenever EITHER SIDE of the Corporate vs. Government Equation has all the power… the side WITH all the power gets corrupt as fuck. Riddle me this… in a country where small business owners are rousted out of their buildings because of the Will of the People (Chinese Government)… how come there is a billionaire like Jack Ma advocating for harmful practices that the Chinese Government disagrees with? Corruption. Bribes and worse are common place in China. My Uncle knows that well as a former COO for a Chinese Business! It’s shameful and despicable. But… the US isn’t exactly too far away from that. I mean… we’re completely fucking owned by our corporate masters. Drug Companies break the law, kill hundreds of people, and rake in billion dollar profits year after year. When/IF the Government steps in… the punishment is a fine of a few thousand dollars. So… injustice, corruption, and bullshit. Or look at Business Culture and the Employee in the US compared to other nations.
The United States does not require, by law, paid vacation time be offered to Full Time Employees nor does the United States, by law, require Maternity or Paternity leave.
JAPAN, a country known for its high expectations of hard work and ‘nearly kill yourself’ labor drive.... 10 Days Paid Leave guaranteed by law. Maternity Leave in the US is “up to 12 weeks, unpaid, if your employer allows it.” Maternity Leave in Japan: Mothers are able to leave six weeks before the expected due date (14 weeks, if expecting a twin). They are guaranteed a time off of eight weeks after giving birth. But they could return in six weeks if their doctor approves. Japan also has childcare leave, which applies to both parents. This period begins after the guaranteed maternity leave mentioned earlier and runs until the child reaches the age of 1. This leave may be extended until the child reaches 14 months old, if both parents take leave, while it can extend to 18 months if only one parent takes leave. While the employers don’t pay for any of this leave; the leave is entirely paid for through various Labor/Employment Insurance Social Programs provided by the government.

At the end of the day; whoever has the power will do whatever they can to increase their power… when they feel their power threatened, they will invariably turn to cruelty in an effort to hold on just that little bit longer, make that little bit more. Jack Ma may not win any popular contests in China… but if he can get a foothold in a place like the US; his views could become The Business Norm… rather like what happened with the Waltons. Stores used to be local markets that had local rules… if an important member of the local community died, the store would close up for the funeral because the whole town was going to it. Not the case anymore.

Then… another great “Can’t be apathetic when this is happening” moment… fucking Trump Government. ICE deported the husband of a soldier killed in combat even though he had been cleared to stay in US. FACTS

Jose Gonzalez Carranza was arrested by ICE agents at his home in Phoenix on April 8 and was taken to Nogales, Mexico, on the border two days later, his lawyer, Ezequiel Hernandez, told CNN on Monday. Carranza was brought back to Phoenix and released Monday, hours after his deportation was first reported by The Arizona Republic.

The man, who is now back in Phoenix, where he lives, had been granted “parole in place,” clearing him to remain in the US after his wife was killed in 2010 in Afghanistan, the attorney says.

Carranza entered the US illegally as a teenager in 2004 from Mexico. In 2007, he married Army Pfc. Barbara Vieyra and the two had a daughter, who is now 12 years old.

Carranza was given “parole in place” status by immigration authorities after his wife was killed in 2010, Hernandez said. This designation, typically given in increments, means Carranza was allowed to stay in the US without the threat of deportation.
ICE refiled a deportation case against Carranza last year despite the parole-in-place designation.

“The government never revoked the (parole-in-place),” Hernandez said. “They detained (Carranza) because of the order of removal done due to the court hearing my client did not go to because he did not know. As of today, we do not know why the client was removed.”


So… for whenever anyone tells you this ISN’T a racist thing. Because add this to the (yes dozens of) stories about DACA recipients or children of undocumented immigrants who serve in the Military… and are then deported. It should make all of us angry. Especially as this type of bullshit was not happening (especially not at this level) until the Trump Administration. You want to support our troops? Don’t deport them if they survive fighting for the U.S.. You want to honor our fallen soldiers? Don’t deport their spouse and the father of their US Citizen Child. The man entered in 2004… 15 years ago. He married a US Citizen in 2007… 12 years ago. So… he’s married to a citizen, didn’t get citizenship… his wife and mother of his child dies fighting for her country so we say, “Okay… we’ll treat your case as special and investigate ways of dealing with your situation.” Then… Trump Administration: FUCK THE MEXICAN.
Trump… the guy who said JUST THIS WEEKEND that the way to fix the problems in our Immigration System was to fire all the judges. WHAT?!?!?!? It can take up to a decade to get an immigration case heard because there is a shortage of judges on the Immigration benches and Donald “Needs a Brain” Trump wants to get rid of more judges?

We don’t need a President that has a law degree. I’m fine with a President that has a business degree. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE A PRESIDENT WHO KNOWS HOW LAWS WORK AND UNDERSTANDS THE LAWS OF THE FUCKING COUNTRY!

Seriously… the Trump Train cannot end soon enough for me.
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In other news… now casting myself in a light least favorable… I have just submitted my Registration for this year’s Prosecuting Attorney Conference. It is a 4 day conference during the summer at an Iowa Beach Resort (don’t break your brain on that seeming contradiction) where approximately half the time is structured “Here are the Law Updates and Practice Tips” classes and the other half the time is on your own do as you wish time. Now… this is Okoboji Lake… I practically grew up here during the summers. My father’s industry (which was also his father’s industry and his father’s father’s industry) would always have a week-long conference at this lake. AND our family reunions are always at this lake. So… all in all… I’ve effectively been at this lake each summer for about 75% of my life. What I can tell you: There are fun things to do, lots of places to drink, boat trips that serve free cocktails every evening, and an absolute gaggle of women swimming, sunning, or playing volleyball… these women ranging in ages from 14 to 75.

Wife, due to the College Classes she still hasn’t signed up for, has declined to attend with me. Therefore, I will be going to a Beach Resort in the Summer by myself.

If I were a different person, this event would occur in one of three ways:

(1) Were I a confident, charming person willing to “get out there”… I could see myself frequenting the local watering holes and chat-up places, looking to see if I couldn’t entice a young woman back to mine for a snog or something a bit more intense;
(2) Were I a less confident, more depressive person… I could see myself frequenting the drinking establishments and/or simply buying a lot of alcohol to drink by myself in the room;
(3) Were I a beach body, exercise focused, young man… I could see myself frequenting the beach the whole time, open to flirting or relaxing or whatever comes my way.

Sadly, I am none of those people. I am me. At most? I might hit up a few restaurants… leer creepily and longingly out of the window at the pretty girls… and stay in my room reading and/or watching TV.

It isn’t that I want to cheat on my wife, obviously. At least, I don’t think I do. It is simply that Me, solo, in a beach town… having lived a marriage of largely unfulfilled desires and much stress… I just kind of wish I could be the guy to “let it all hang out, take it easy, and just have some fun”. That, it appears, has always been my problem. I’m not… exactly great… when it comes to “fun.”

Though… that being said… maybe I’d finally have the alone time to (1) finish writing a damned erotic story; (2) masturbate; and/or (3) I don’t know.... it would seem silly to bring a console with me to a resort, but why not? Hotel Video Games.

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Bollocks. I’ve got 4 more hours of work left. No work to do. The Apathy and Numbness is still strong in me so it isn’t like I’m in a great place to try to finish up those erotic stories I’ve been meaning to write/publish here for months and months. I’m just… in a mood… to sit, I suppose. Sit… think… exist. Imagine a world that does not yet exist and try to see if there is anything you can do to bring that world into existence.

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