I Am Stella And My Groove Is Back in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

Eating acid in an empty mansion by the beach was a really good time.

So, about Lex. I met Lex through Brittany a few years ago, I was super depressed and Brittany offered to come over to cheer me up and said her friend was with her, but that her friend was cool and wouldn’t care if I was all depressed. So we hung out in the park across from my house, I was in my 666 hoodie and Ninja Turtles PJ’s and Lex was in this cool dress and awesome leather jacket, we introduced ourselves and she was like “we hug” so we hugged, and then I just kind of laid there, on my back, looking up at the stars while the girls talked about movies or some shit. It was weird because Lex looked like a super “cool” person, but I didn’t feel uncomfortable around her looking like shit and acting like a depressed piece of anti-social shit.

It would turn out that Lex is super fucking weird, extremely intelligent, artistic, well read, works in the film industry, and is totally crazy like I am, so we ended up getting along really well over the years, but she was always Brittany’s friend first, and I secretly think that Brittany felt threatened by the fact that Lex and I connected on some weird level that she didn’t understand, so she kind of…made sure we never hung out alone, I guess? I dunno.

Lex doesn’t really have anyone in her life. Her dad is gone, no one really knows where he is, and her mom died a few years ago, leaving her with this mansion that she can’t afford to keep (hence it being empty at the moment) and virtually no support system. She has a friend that she’s known since they were kids, this cool fucking dude named Dave, and he is a great support, and then she had Brittany…or so she thought.

When Brittany and I stopped talking over these last few months I kind of lost Lex with the deal, which really fucking sucked. Like, Lex and I would still talk on facebook and text every once in a while, but we never hung out.

Well, recently Lex stood up for herself when Brittany was being mean to her and Brittany didn’t take it very well and did the same shit she did to me (albeit, she did this shit to Lex first) where she was like “I don’t think we are compatible as friends” and just called the relationship.

Well, Lex hit me up because she didn’t know how to take it or handle it or who to talk to, and she knows Brittany and I have this super long history and blah blah blah…so I’ve been hanging with Lex lately because I know she’s super lonely and hates being in that house alone (oh, and her dog and cat died just recently too) so I go over there and chill with her.

She actually needs to be out of her house soon because she is going to be showing it and I’m going to be asking my parents if she can come and crash with us for a month for $500. She said she’ll clean and cook too, so there’s that.

anyway.

Yesterday I got to her house around noon and we ate the acid promptly after I got there. It was such a beautiful day, and she lives right by the beach so we had the ocean breeze and palm trees and coastal views.

We sat outside and drew for a while. I was kind of just doodling and then the doodle kind of turned into this abstract face…but then I kept drawing and the face just got super happy, and suddenly I had drawn this happy little guy who was just smiling and laughing at me, and he was so happy that it made me happy, so I just started laughing a whole bunch…and that’s when it began.

We never walked to the beach like we planned, haha, we kind of just stayed in the living room with nothing but a mattress, some blankets, some pillows, some art supplies, and a tablet for music and videos.

For a few hours we both just lounged on the mattress, she was drawing, this same piece…taking so long to make even the tiniest of marks, it was amazing. She worked so long and accomplished almost nothing, and yet the picture kept changing in ways that I couldn’t quite understand. I loved looking over every once in a while to see how she was coming along.

I, on the other hand, was busy staring out the window at this one palm tree…and more specifically, this one palm leaf. I literally stared at it for three hours, just watching the sunlight play off of it as it danced in the winds, it looked so alive and active, and then I realized it was alive and active, and I began to form this loving connection with the tree…we conversed psychically for quite a while, nothing deep, just sending emotions back and forth.

At one point, Lex put on Game Of Thrones, which I have never seen, so that was quietly playing in the background, and I decided to close my eyes and try to get comfortable because the essence of my being was so incredibly huge that it was threatening to burst every particle in this human body, and I was really trying not to explode because this was Lex’s first time and I didn’t want to alarm her…but, that Game Of Thrones shit kept creeping into my ears, and it took me on some wild journeys.

I love tripping with your eyes closed…I think that’s how you actually get the most out of the medicine.

I saw some incredible things that I can’t even explain, in glowing neon pinks and greens, shapes and forms…honestly, very sexual in nature (which I kind of blame on the Game Of Thrones) but it was…very intense, very primal, and it stirred some feelings in me that I honestly haven’t felt in a long time (I am always truly humbled by the power of psychedelics) and I didn’t really know how to process them…but every cell in my body was screaming for me to just reach over and kiss Lex.

Of course, I did not act on these impulses, but it honestly felt it wasn’t all just me…it felt like I was picking up on her vibrations too, like maybe she wanted me too…but at the same time, Lex and I have both talked about how gross we think physical intimacy is at this point in our lives…so I don’t even know…I was tripping pretty hard.

But, here’s the thing…later on in the night she made several comments about how she thought I looked good, or how I was hot, and once she even said something along the lines of me having a “hot bod” haha…so I mean…I don’t know. OH! And at the end of the night she said she wanted to try xtc with me next…so, I don’t know? I mean, at one point we were looking at some likes I had on my dating profile so some of the compliments were just related to that…I dunno. It was very confusing.

Anyway, that’s not even the best part…

…we were watching Wilfred later on in the evening and we discovered that Elijah Wood is God, walking among us in a playful human form. It makes so much sense. How, exactly we came to that conclusion I don’t even want to tell you because part of the magick of the truth of Elijah Wood is coming to that realization on your own.

But yes…Elijah Wood is the creator of the universe and everything you have ever known or loved.

Did I just blow your mind?

Yeah.

Imagine how we felt.

…

Let’s see, what else happened yesterday?

I talked to Dori (Alec’s mom) on the phone for a while in the morning, I told her that he’s only a couple of steps away from homelessness and after that only a couple of steps away from death. It shocked her, she realized that she has been in denial of how bad it really is.

..

Also, at some point while I was at Lex’s house, my mom’s piece of shit ex-husband’s piece of shit son hit me up telling me he was in town and wanted me to meet his new wife and kids…a family he bankrupted in about five months time…I’m trying to figure out the best way to tell him I want nothing to do with him.

…

Anyway…I probably have stuff to do today. And by probably I mean, I definitely have stuff to do, so I am going to go do stuff now.

I miss you.
Like always.
I always miss you.
I love you.
-Dane