A Good Day Is Welcomed in Scottish Meanderings

Yesterday was an almost perfect day.

Did something brilliant happen? Did I get good news? A windfall perhaps? Did someone I love tell me they thought I was the best thing since sliced bread?

Nope - just felt better.

As simple as that.

And as a result the whole perception of the day changes. I become engaged with what I’m doing. I connect with the people around me. I start to enjoy what I’m doing. I have energy to do it. Things which have been waiting on the To Do list for months get sorted out. I even physically move better. And I don’t need a nap during the day to keep going until the evening.

I can’t begin to tell you what this feels like - unless you’ve been there.

Last night I was down at Nikki’s and she was incensed at some Facebook group message where a new mum had posted about some anxiety issue and someone had replied rather crassly that all you need is to make time for yourself, pamper yourself but DON’T GO DOWN THE MEDICATION ROUTE - nobody needs medication and everyone seems so ready to jump on that bandwagon. She was right to be incensed at it but as I pointed out, that message is coming from somebody who has never known real depression and what it entails. Pampering and making time for yourself and all that jazz just doesn’t cut it when you feel this bad. But folk who feel pretty okay most of the time just don’t understand what that’s like and can’t get why someone doesn’t just go out for a walk or pick up the phone to a friend or something.

Which is why I rarely mention it in real life.

And normally I would record it as part of my private entries but I’m trying to write publicly a bit more here and I also know there are quite a few folk on my Friends list who have experienced or are experiencing what I’m describing so will know what I’m talking about.

What a difference it makes to the day though.

And to most folk if I described what I did it would seem very mediocre but the fact I was able to walk Trooper, catch up on here, catch up on another website I post to, catch up on my e-mail, sort out a new mobile (that one’s only been on the To Do list since October last year!), clean the bathroom, dust and polish upstairs and then welcome Nikki and Lily who came round to do the second dog walk with me is just so unusual. Afterwards we sat and yapped while Lily played and entertained us. I would have been exhausted by then and would have needed a nap to keep going. I was fine. Even did some ironing as we talked then we all went back to Nikki’s flat for tea and to help her with Lily then her and I sat and watched telly while I knitted after giving Trooper his last walk.

And when I got home I still had energy.

This is unheard of.

Absolutely Joyous.

Today I’m determined to try and keep everything on a similar path and see if it turns out the same. I have so many lists and records made over the years of food eaten, exercise taken, mood felt, the day’s activities etc etc to see if I can pinpoint what makes a difference to how I feel and no pattern ever emerges. It’s so frustrating.

My brother has just texted me to say they’re up visiting their kids and can I go out for a meal with them tonight? Normally my heart would sink at such a message because they don’t go out until 7 and by then I’m done and often have to make some excuse but today although the initial sinking happened automatically, I texted back to say yep no problem and now sit here with fingers crossed that I’ll still feel ok by then!

What I’m really really hoping is that it’s all a result of reducing and eventually coming off the anti depressants which - to my mind - did more harm than good. I will be simultaneously annoyed and delighted if it is because (a) obviously it means I’ll start to feel better but (b) it means I wasted the last 8 months of my life feeling like crap when I didn’t have to.

We shall await developments.

Who needs toys when you’ve got a cat flap?

A little door in a door - what could be better? Hours of endless amusement ......

Spot The Unhappy Person!

{Can’t find photo on pc}

We were up seeing Mam and as the day was reasonable weatherwise for once I persuaded her to try going for a short walk. She has no confidence to do this herself because she’s far too shaky, even with the walker, but it’s good to get her out in the fresh air even for 5 minutes. So this was us all walking up the road but Nikki wanted to take a photo. Lily had been walking with her and wanted to carry on walking with her so was NOT HAPPY at having to swap which is what she was protesting about. I was pissed off at Nikki for making her upset just cos she wanted a photo which is why I’m not smiling. And those are some serious bags under my eyes which I didn’t realise were there until I saw this. :(

A Happier Pic. This is more like the little Lily I see on a regular basis - with a very cheeky smile which has the power to lift your heart instantly!

No joy with the printing entries issue - have left a message with Simple Mind and will let you know if there’s any definitive answer comes back.

Last updated March 29, 2018