“I was feeling for a while that maybe you didn’t feel good about being friends or wanted to keep me at a distance or something because I felt like I always hit you up but I’d never hear from you first. So I stopped hitting you up because I felt like it was easy for you to not talk to me. And somehow its not easy for me to not text you if I have fun news or want to hang. And even harder when I see how much fun you seem to be having (though I’m so happy you are). And how my friends get to interact with you on social media but you don’t follow me back on anything. I know there may be super valid reasons on your end for anything you do regarding me. It just hurt so I tried to push it away.
Anyway, I care about you and don’t want any static between us and I accept if the reality is that we aren’t good candidates as friends. I don’t even want any of this to be a thing. I want things to be easy and natural and kind of hate myself for bringing all of this up. But for some reason I’m feeling really sad today and I’m home alone for the weekend and if you would be interested in hanging out - nothing heavy or dramatic, just nice chill times - let me know cuz I’d really like it and if you’d like it I’d be happy too.
I’m supposed to drive to Vegas by myself tomorrow morning to meet up with my friend Jane and her boyfriend. I’ve been trying to think of someone I’d like to go with me and you probably don’t want to but if you are free and feel like an adventure that’s simple and lighthearted, I have a room and you wouldn’t have to pay for it. I just miss being friends and I don’t want you to think I abandoned you. I just wasn’t sure you wanted me in your life.”
And…I didn’t respond to it, because I didn’t know how to respond to it, and I still don’t know how to respond to it…I don’t know how to nicely tell her that I think she’s mean to me and treats me like shit and I deserve better.
Anyway, seven hours later I got this text:
“Hey just forget I sad anything I don’t want to be an emotional burden on you. I was having a dark moment. Won’t happen again. I’m okay. Glad you’re well. “
I don’t know.
Anyway, I have to wake up in six and a half hours, so I should get ready for bed and go to sleep.
I love you.