I Hate First Dates in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

  • April 5, 2019, 8:28 a.m.
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  • Public

Seriously, what the fuck?
Can’t we just skip to the part where we’re comfortable with eachother and we can be real with eachother and it doesn’t feel like a chess match?

Not tonight, apparently.

I’m actually being super over-dramatic, it was a really nice time. She was way out of my league, so it was fun just being there.

So, I got on these dating apps kind of out of boredom, right? I didn’t ever really consider the possibility that I would go out on a date with anyone, haha…and when I started talking to this woman I really didn’t think anything of it because she is knock out beautiful, so I was just kind of talking to her having fun…next thing you know I’m like “Want to get tacos this Thursday?” and she’s like, “I’m down” so then…today was Thursday, right? And a couple of my friends hit me up to hang out and I told them I wasn’t sure I could, but I would know if she flaked on me by 7:30. Haha, I was totally planning on her flaking, like…you don’t get it. She’s gorgeous, and she works in pharmaceuticals…like, this woman can do whatever the fuck she wants and she’s choosing to spend time with me?

Anyway, she doesn’t bail. I text Lex a quick picture of what I’m wearing and she says I’m looking date ready, so I’m feeling good about that, and then I head out to be super early because that’s just how I roll.

So, I originally asked her if she wanted to go to this super buji kombucha bar in this anti-mall called “The Camp” (it’s so hip it almost makes me sick, but I thought she might be impressed), but apparently she has never had kombucha before and is not down to start now, so then when we decided on tacos she’s like “wherever you pick is fine.” But she also wanted to stay in Irvine, so the options are either trash or buji, so of course I end up picking this place that has the hippest fucking tacos in town because I got to be cool, and she’s like “I love that place” so I’m feeling good.

Anyway, I get there super early, like fifteen minutes early, like a weirdo…and I just wait for her to get there. Like a weirdo.

She shows up and I’m just like, “Play it cool, Ice cold” (because sometimes I talk to myself like I’m Andre 3000) and we do the whole weird awkward hug. She looks amazing. I look like…I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about but I realized that Lex is probably a very different woman than my date, so her tastes are probably way different. haha.

So, the conversation was actually pretty fun, I thought. She was intelligent and witty and our conversation kind of went all over the place, which was also really fun. But that’s also kind of the problem, I think, because what I consider to be “fun conversation” I have been told is some pretty deep shit, and I’ve also been told that sometimes it’s okay to talk about things that aren’t super deep.

Anyway, I can’t remember how we got to it, but I mentioned that I had lived in a few other states, and when I mentioned Utah she was like, “That just makes me think of Mormons”.

To which, I respond, “Yeah, my family is Mormon, which is part of the reason why I moved there in the first place.” and then we kind of connected because she told me that her family was Muslim, and neither of us believed in the religion but our parents do, and both of them are very strict, and both of them are deeply entrenched in a patriarchy…so it was kind of cool to have something to connect on on a level like that…but then, the floodgates open, and then we start talking about what we think god is, and I ask her if she believes in reincarnation, and then we’re talking about politics…and just basically all of the shit that you’re not supposed to talk about on a first date.

I need to stop fucking doing that shit.

My mom says I do stuff like that to subconsciously test people right from the beginning to see if they can handle me.

I don’t think she is incorrect.

I also don’t think my date tonight thought I was something she wanted to handle.

I covered the bill ( $60 after tip for four tacos, a cocktail, and a soda water…Irvine is BUJI AF) and thanked her for coming out with me. We shut the place down, stayed about 40 minutes after closing, the date lasted about 2 1/2 hours in total. We stood outside and talked a little more and then another awkward hug, and then I was like, “This was nice, we should do it again sometime” and offered to exchange numbers…and she was very polite about it, but she clearly did not want to exchange numbers. I could feel it in her energy and there was a slight change in body posture and demeanor, and a slight hesitation as if she was thinking of an excuse not to give it to me…

…so, I will do her a favor, since she was such a lovey date, I will leave the poor girl alone.

But that was good practice, I guess.
I had a lot of my confidence destroyed over the years and I have been working hard on gaining it back. Working hard on not feeling like a monster or a piece of shit.

Honestly, I should probably also stop telling myself that this woman was out of my league, Maybe I am cool enough and handsome enough to be in her company. Because she laughed, I could see that she was genuinely having fun talking to me, even if there wasn’t a love connection.

Also, all of the running and lifting I have been doing has really been paying off. I look healthy, I feel healthy, and I feel strong. Also, I look strong, but no one would know that shit because I don’t take my shirt off for no scrubs.

…So, I can still get the attention of gorgeous 29 year old’s. Go me.

But does it even matter?

The inter-dimensional beings told me that my body needs to be a weapon.

It’s not a sex toy.

Maybe there will be time for sex after all of the fighting has stopped.

If there’s anyone left.

So…I had a positive $60 experience that involved tacos.
Also, earlier today, all we did for work was eat food from 9am to 2pm…and then after we were done eating half of the menu for the new restaurant my boss was like, “Do you want to see something cool?” and then she took us up to the 20th floor, and it was just 360 degree windows, 10 foot high windows, and you could see all of Irvine, almost to Laguna…and it has been raining so much this winter that everything is just this lush, beautiful green…it was breath-taking honestly. I almost felt stupid for how emotional it got…but nature has just been making me super emotional ever since that road trip…ever since it started talking to me.

Everything is different now, isn’t it?
Do you ever wish it was the same?
For me, it depends on the day.
I miss you, though.
every day.
I love you, too.

Last updated April 05, 2019

Deleted user April 05, 2019

Don't pay for your dates. Most women use those app just for that. Pay for her when you've actually seen her a few times.

Superposition Deleted user ⋅ April 05, 2019

I actually usually split everything on a first date because the girl is just like on it, they just offer up to split right off the bat, but this woman was OC hardcore and when I threw down my card she never even blinked.

Sleepy-Eyed John April 05, 2019

I dunno man. I agree about league comparisons, but if you had a good conversation she might have just been nervous about giving our her phone number or feeling tired or something. I suppose you could call her. But like I read in a book, you want a Fuck Yes or No. And 'I'm down' is a fuck yes. Ask her out again. If she gives you a maybe, say ya some other time and get rid of her number. if she offers to make other plans, she likes you. If she says no, you got your answer. Did you like her though?

I get the feeling she likes you, because 2.5 hours is a long time to spend with someone when you're not feeling them, especially 40 minutes after closing. I'm guessing she's into you, but maybe has some reservations. I'd feel it out dude.

Superposition Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 05, 2019

Thanks for the advice. I have the tendency to over-analyze things to death...and you kind of jolted me into realizing that that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

Do you think I should text her tomorrow and thank her for a nice evening? Or is that just SUPER fucking nerdy?

Sleepy-Eyed John Superposition ⋅ April 05, 2019

I don't know the exact answer to that, but my initial feeling is "ya, I would." But maybe ask for advice from someone who you feels knows more about this than I do. But I would. Just be like hey, I had fun, she'll probably rejoinder "Ya i did too!" if she was feeling it, and if she's reserved it could just be her personality but it could also be her trying to let you down. Or she might just blow you off completely. But talk about something else, I guess, maybe something you read or an upcoming event and feel her out that way, or whatever.

Superposition Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 06, 2019

Thanks for taking the time to talk it out with me. I still haven't decided if I'm going to follow up or not...we'll see.

Sleepy-Eyed John Superposition ⋅ April 05, 2019

I'm super nerdy myself, but it's polite, it's touching base the day after, and if it's good and you make conversation it's a good sign. Besides, she's already got an impression of you from talking online, and meeting, and she seems to like you, so you don't need to come out with anything amazing. Just saying something will show her you like her, respect her, and are maybe serious about talking to her, all of which are things women appreciate.

Tweetie April 06, 2019

I agree with the above advice to call and check in with her and affirm with her that you enjoyed the date, and would like to see her again, if she wants.

Forget all that "out of your league" stuff! She might be looking for someone who can look beyond her outward appearance and see her for her inner self. "Beautiful" people often crave that sort of deeper connection, and despair of ever finding it.

And the reincarnation stuff might have intrigued her, she might have looked it up, so she'll know more about it when/if you meet again. Who knows! :)

Superposition Tweetie ⋅ April 08, 2019

I totally sent her a follow up text, just thanking her again for a great time, that was it.

I haven't heard anything back and don't expect too, and I honestly don't care. It was a great experience, definitely worth the money.

maia April 06, 2019

Forget her! Your type would have jumped right onto the mystical stuff, those girls are there if you look.

Superposition maia ⋅ April 08, 2019

That's kind of my thinking behind throwing shit like that at people on the first date. It's kind of like, if they can't handle this right now...and these are the things that I love to talk about, are they ever going to be able to handle me at all or am I just going to have to pretend like I'm some basic bitch because they are?

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