Erasing Positives in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019
- March 31, 2019, 3:52 p.m.
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- Public
An assortment of hours, less than 36 hours.
At Marriage Counsleing, our therapist said that we were doing really well. We decided to schedule our next appointment for four weeks away. We left therapy feeling good and excited to visit puppies.
When we got to the shelter, it was SUPER BUSY!!! Almost all of the pumps we wanted to look at were already adopted. We met about 4 new puppies and Wife really fell for a German Shepherd mix pup. We agreed to adopt, filled out paperwork and picked up the dog… to discover that we got our choices’ sister. We decided that it would be acceptable and simply continued home.
At first, it was tough. The puppy was very scared, very timid, and wanted nothing to do with The Outside, Dog Treats, Dog Bed, Collar, Leash… nothing. After many hours, she got comfortable with us and has decided that the couch is where all of us belong. Wife and I need to be on the couch with her between us. The best moment last night was when she finally willingly went outside and started smelling around and running and finally acting like a dog.
Since coming home with us, Nala has eaten less than 1 serving of food, has peed in the house twice, pooped in the house once, and has not done ANY bathroom business outdoors. So, there is some work to do.
Wife on the other hand? Total destruction of her forward progress! She’s been crying all day, talking about taking the dog back, talking about how this experience makes her think she’ll never be able to cope with having a child… and then those thoughts make her cry even note and even harder because she doesn’t want to be that way.
In short: this is like when she got the new job last year. “Change?! A change I’ve specifically been asking for for years?! MELT DOWN!”
Honestly… I would be okay either way when it comes to the dog. We could take it back and I wouldn’t be heartbroken. But I would be really angry and upset. Because it would, once again, be an example of my soon-to-be 39 year old wife’s penchant for letting her selfishness and inability to cope interfere with her life and my life.
In short… if I wanted to pretend that things were perfect and bright in our lives… I would have never allowed us a dog and I would have stayed in the illusion of acceptable. But I’ve never been that guy. I am the guy that pretty much says, “If you’ve got an issue, stop running from it. Face it, fight it. Running away forever is no way to live a life!”
Foofah ⋅ March 31, 2019
Everything good in life comes with a little work. The payoff will be worth it ten fold if she can stick with it. Having a dog helped me immensely with my depression several years ago.
Purple Dawn ⋅ March 31, 2019
Puppies are a lot of work, but nothing like a child. Puppies grow up a heck of a lot faster for one thing and are easier trained. I hope it goes well.
Park Row Fallout Purple Dawn ⋅ April 02, 2019
I'm terrible because one thing I've been telling Wife, too, is that if we do wind up doing something terrible for the dog? (1) There is almost nothing we could/would do to the dog that would be more serious than a Misdemeanor Offense and that is a fine, not jail time. (2) If we ruin a child's mind or spirit, that child could go on to kill dozens, maybe hundreds. If we ruin a dog's mind or spirit, the Dog gets put down.
Deleted user ⋅ March 31, 2019
I went from happy to sad in two paragraphs. Adopt puppy, YAY!, too much work bring it back to the shelter.....
Comfortably Numb Deleted user ⋅ April 01, 2019
IKR? The poor pup.
Park Row Fallout Deleted user ⋅ April 02, 2019
I agree. In fact, I agree so much I handled it poorly. After Wife mentioned that, I was unintentionally really cold to her the rest of the evening. Which actually really upset Wife. But after a good talk, and an individual counseling session... I think Wife is really coming around. She's actually now spent more time with the puppy and done more to take care of the puppy than I have. Like everything in her life, she needed to completely break down in order to begin to rebuild stronger.
Nash ⋅ March 31, 2019
How many times are you going to come to this realization about your wife before you come to this realization about your wife?
Comfortably Numb Nash ⋅ April 01, 2019
This!
Not to pile on, because I'm in a similar boat, and it IS easier said than done, but it's hard watching someone go through it.
Park Row Fallout Nash ⋅ April 02, 2019
You're not wrong. But I do tend to need to see things repeatedly before coming to an understanding as I think of too many possibilities. I'm to the point now where I think Wife was just... never challenged growing up. Like... I may have come from a little more money, but my medical, social, and interpersonal life was defined through challenge. She, as an only child among other things, was never really forced to experience things she didn't want to experience. So... almost like a child, we're at a point where she needs to stick her hands in the fire to know that it burns.
Tempestuous1 ⋅ April 01, 2019
Dogs are A LOT of work. One of the reasons I prefer cats.
Park Row Fallout Tempestuous1 ⋅ April 02, 2019
Dogs ARE a lot of work. But I've always been a dog person and have had dogs as large parts of my life since I was 5. Plus, my mom is allergic to cats so if we got one... Mom wouldn't be able to visit :(
Tempestuous1 Park Row Fallout ⋅ April 02, 2019
I grew up since I was a baby, with German Shepherds. My dad is deathly allergic to cats, so I never knew what I was missing. I LOVE GSD's, but I'll just have to love other people's lol. I got my 1st cat when I was 27...instantly fell in love, and have been a cat person since! I tried a GSD with cats...the animals were fine together, but I just didn't have the lifestyle to leave the dog home alone all day.
Down the rabbit hole... ⋅ April 02, 2019
I seriously don't understand people who think a single dog is really a big deal. Maybe it's just my lifestyle and yeah it gets overwhelming sometimes but it's just me with 4 dogs, 7 cats, 2 pigs, and currently 15 goats (though it was 24 a few weeks ago) and I manage just fine. Yes puppies require training and exercise and attention and things to chew on, but their puppy breath alone makes up for it lol.
Park Row Fallout Down the rabbit hole... ⋅ April 02, 2019
I'm.... actually kind of the same way, truth told. 1 puppy, especially in a 2 Person 1 Income home, is not a big deal. There are lots of wonderful reasons to have a puppy and a dog and anyone who wants a puppy but freaks out over the work of a puppy.... needs a puppy to grow into a wiser, more balanced person.
Down the rabbit hole... Park Row Fallout ⋅ April 02, 2019
And I don't even have typical easy animals. I have an older dog in kidney failure who is on meds and a special low protein diet. I have a cat who is on an entirely grain free diet with a rare blood issue and a seizure issue that he gets meds 3x a day for another dog with an autoimmune disorder that has required eye drops/gel since he was 3 and he's 13 this month. None of that is easy or cheap. I bet I spend 100 a month easy just on meds.
Jafael ⋅ April 02, 2019
Change is hard, and harder for some. Sounds like both the puppy and your wife had a bit of a shock with the change in environment. To be fair, it IS a big change for everyone. The puppy will settle down, and add so much to your lives.