Reconstruction in Depression

Some days I’m more optimistic than others. I’m sure I can rebuild my protective barrier and in no time I’ll be fine.

Yesterday was a good day. I laughed. I enjoyed myself. My depression was at the forefront of my mind, but I was relieved that I could laugh genuinely.

Every time I laughed I thought “This is good. This means I’m better. It was fast this time.” But those thoughts have a way of fooling me. This is only the beginning. I’m just starting to piece everything back together and although it’s ok to be optimistic, a strong wind could bring it all back down.

A little nudge here and there is all it takes to make me so sad I feel sick. Yesterday was a good day, a great one actually, but I was nudged a little too hard last night and still went to bed crying.

I’m just going to take it one day at a time.I’ll try to enjoy the good times while they last and work myself through everything else as quickly as possible.

I’ll whistle while I work…to rebuild this dam.