Quit in Current Events

I hit up the mall with Toni today. I thought would have gotten me out of this funk but I was wrong. I stressed myself out trying to find something to wear. First I looked like I was trying too hard and then not hard enough and then nothing fits me well anymore and I almost had a nervous breakdown over it because I just can’t stand the way I look anymore. In my mind anyway. Then I kept seeing young attractive men at the mall to make me hate myself even more. I was smitten the whole day over one that I kept crossing paths with. His ass was thick for days. Do attractive people know that they’re attractive?
I was so disappointed when it became pretty clear that Toni had an edible before I picked her up. She was no fun. I overspent a lot in the last week or so and I have some anxiety about it. I do have a decent tax refund on the way but I already know that my car will magically need an expensive repair or 12. Especially when it is pothole season. I don’t even know if I want to have this car when I move into the city. I do know that I can’t even stomach how much I hate the freaks that ruin everything on public transit. Speaking of freaks that I can’t stomach, Toni wants to move downtown… I’ve been walking around trying to get a feel for it after my therapy sessions but I can’t get into it. It’s a freakshow. How many passed out drunk people does one street need?
There is no point to this entry again. My depression is alive and well today. We watched Captain Marvel after we browsed the mall and I had to get up and stand by the door just when the action started. I was starting to have a panic attack out of nowhere. I can barely cope with whatever is going on with me. I know that it is my job that is getting me down. I am actually so unhappy about work and I know that I need to quit.