On Motivation in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Well, bollocks.

This morning, I was in a mood to write in my Drafts Folder and put up something sexy. I’m trying to write some stories that effectively convey alternately the kind of Chat Experience I would have with Aoife and the kind of Chat Experience I would have with Raven.

But as my morning progressed I found myself… incapable of doing so. Oh, don’t get me wrong. Earlier this morning, I read a PB entry discussing the rise of Dom/Sub prosebox writers and reminiscing about that certainly inspired me physically. Then another Prosebox friend wrote about quite the sexual encounter she’d had this week and I certainly found the entry stimulating. But as far as fantasy and memory swirling together into a written form I can share? I just feel… not stuck exactly but unmotivated. Like… I’d honestly like to share the kind of Chat Experience I would have with Aoife and the kind of Chat Experience I would have with Raven. I’d certainly like to reminisce on it, remember it, and enjoy it again… even if only through the perspective of writing out an erotic-lit piece with those encounters in mind. But today went from a “Wow, a full day at work to do whatever I want!” to “Oh my God, I want this day to just be over with.” When you’re in a “just END” mood, there is little motivation to take one’s time and paint a suitable picture of lust, seduction, and delight.

That being said… I may work on those stories tonight anyway. OR I may get to put another star on the calendar. ONE of the two will happen. Because I’ve not forgotten the old rule… once is a moment, twice is an idea, three times is a pattern. And I’m hoping for a pattern. You see, the first time my Wife and I had sex this year (and the first time in 6 months) was Saturday Morning, February 9th. The next time we had sex was Friday Night, February 22nd. Roughly two weeks after the first time. This weekend (tonight/tomorrow morning) would be another two weeks since “last time.” I am hoping that I can convince her to engage with me in such a way again. Kind of an intentional attempt at “Once every two weeks.” It’s no 3 Times A Week… but it also isn’t Once Every Few Years. Either way, I can tell you this.... within the next 24 hours, I will have a sexual experience. Whether through writing, real life, or something as yet undecided.... it’s gonna happen. lol.

I suppose, then, I shall turn my attentions to surveys. If I can’t bring myself to write illicit words of lusty enjoyment… I can at least busy myself with self-reflective dribble unlikely to entice, titillate, or enthrall anyone.

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1)Time Started - March 8th, 12:59 p.m.
2) Full Name – Christopher, anything else must be gained elsewhere
3) Nicknames – CK, Chris
4) Birthday –May 3rd and 5th.
5) Where were you born - Iowa
6) Zodiac sign – Taurus
7) Height – 5‘7”.
8) Weight – At last weigh in around 220. Goal Weights vary but I’m aiming for sub 200
9) Hair color – Mostly brown with some greys peeking through already
10) Eye color – Dark Brown
11) Shoe size – 8
12) Grade – I have completed my Juris Doctor degree
13) Siblings – One.
14) Tattoos – Zero, though I often contemplate changing that
15) Piercings – None and really don’t have any particular interest to change that
16) Hobbies – When I have the time: Reading, Writing, Video Games, Board Games, Tabletop Games, Comic Books, and Anime

Favorites:::
1) Colour – Green, Purple, Black, Red
2) Food – Shrimp Casserole
3) Candy – 3 Musketeers
4) Type of cheese - I don’t really have a favorite, actually.
5) Pizza topping – I like chicken and bbq sauce on pizza
6) Salad dressing – French or Russian
7) Sandwich – Gyro doesn’t count as a sandwich, does it?
8) Cereal – Not much into Cereal
9) Fruit – Bananananananana or Plum
10) Vegetable – Corn
11) Berry - Blueberry
12) Cake – Eggnog Cake or Red Velvet Cake
13) Book – Dark Matter or The Han Solo Trilogy
14) Movie – TOO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM
15) Magazine – I was never that into magazines, actually
16) Newspaper – All of them? lol
17) Telly programme - Anything clever. I can’t watch a lot of television because it isn’t as… interactive as I’d prefer; but I can sit and “watch” just about anything (provided I can talk or have my phone)
18) Website – Prosebox.
19) Radio Station – Rock 108, The Lazer, or Public Radio
20) Cartoon Character - TOO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM
21) Album – Tough call. Either APC’s “Thirteenth Step,” Gorillaz’ “Demon Days,” or Linkin Park’s “Hybrid Theory”
22) Day of the week – Friday
23) Month – October.
24) Season – Autumn.
25) Holiday –Easter
26) Shampoo – Suave
27) Conditioner – Suave
28) Weather - Cool, slightly overcast
29) Restaurant – I don’t really have a favorite. There really isn’t a whole lot of selection
30) Weekend Activity – Video Games, Sleep, watch Anime, have sex
31) Sport to Watch – Hockey, Baseball, College Football, Swimming, Water Polo, Gymnastics
32) Sport to Play – I haven’t played sports in a long time… probably swimming, if that counts
33) Animal – Dogs, Horses, Wolves, Eagles, Red Pandas
34) Flower – White Roses
35) Board game – Defenders of the Realm

Have You Ever:::
1) Been on a train – Yes.
2) Been on a plane – Yes.
3) Been in a car accident – Yes; though the worst accident a car of mine was ever in was when it was parked and I was not in it
4) Caused a car accident – No, according to my insurer and my legal driving history
5) Run into a wall – Sometimes, usually when I’m not paying attention
6) Burned a meal - Far too many
7) Smoked – In High School, I once smoked a Cigar with my brother before he deployed
8) Been drunk - Oh yes.
9) Gotten engaged – Yes.
10) Had an online relationship – That largely depends on definitions and other details but all things considered I would certainly say yes
11) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble – No.
12) Cried in public – Yes, and not always due to acting requirements
13) Cried over a movie – Yeah, I can get teary eyed.
14) Fallen asleep in a movie theater – Never that I can recall
15) Been to a boarding school- No.
16) Been home-schooled – Nope.
17) Lost a valuable item – Yes. When I was much younger, I would lose my wallet all the damned time
18) Gotten a cavity – Several. My teeth aren’t terrible but I put too much sugar in me
19) Got a tooth pulled – Only if you count Wisdom Teeth, but I certainly can’t rule out the possibility in the future.
20) Made a prank call – No, and even as a child I found the idea juvenile, immature, and stupid
21) Faked sick to get out of school – Tragically, I never had to fake being sick… I often was
22) Climbed a tree – Many.
23) Fallen from a tree – Surprisingly, no.
24) Broken a bone? - Never. I may get strange illnesses, conditions, and injuries but never a broken bone
25) Sprained anything – Not in any diagnosed way

Last:::
1) Song you heard- “He’s In Love (And We’re All Gonna Die” a Randy Rainbow Song Parody
2) Album you bought –Wow, it has been a LONG time since I bought (or even downloaded) music!
3) Time you cried – I can’t remember… I remember it was within the last month or two because of a movie, but I don’t remember the movie
4) Movie seen in the theater - Alita
6) Nail polish worn – Black

At This Moment:::
1) What are you listening to- Cars pass along the roads outside of my office; the HVAC system lumbering to life and humming away
2) What are you wearing – Jeans, button up long sleeve blue/yellow checked shirt, grey suit jacket
3) What are you thinking – Yawn, my mind is racing through blanks… thoughts that are present but not substantial enough to be properly processed
4) What are you most scared of – Ruin, the complete failure of life and being instantly forgotten, cared for and about by no one.

Future:::
1) Occupation – I’d like to stay a Government Attorney.... maybe branch out into Writer, Politician, and/or Business Owner
2) Marriage site – I got married at St. Paul Episcopal Church in Des Moines, Iowa. If we did a vow renewal.... no idea
3) Honeymoon – We have not taken one, nor have we gone on vacation just the two of us EVER in the entire time we’ve known each other!
4) Place to live – It would be nice to retire someone quiet but scenic
5) Kids – Maybe.
6) Car – Another Honda
7) What are you doing tomorrow – Playing Borderlands 2 online with friends
8) Will politics ever be truthful – Possibly, but never totally. The idea that a government or someone running for government would be forthcoming, honest, and transparent to everyone’s satisfaction will never happen.

This or That:::
1) Coke/Pepsi – Pepsi, but I usually buy Coke due to Wife
2) Sprite/7-up – Sprite
3) Gold/Silver – Silver
4) Vanilla/Chocolate – Chocolate.
5) Flowers/Candy – Flowers but as a man I’m rarely if ever given either
6) Colored Pencils/Markers – Colored pencils.
7) Coffee/Tea – Tea.
8) Sun/Moon – Moon.
9) Hot/Cold – Cold.
10) Blue/Purple – Purple.

First Thing You Think of When You Hear:::
1) Yellow – Coldplay.
2) Red Lipstick – Oh, yes please!
3) Socks – Indoor “snowball” fights with my Mom
4) Red – Dress, oh yes please!
5) Rooster – Cogburn
6) Taxes – Dollars. Dollars, Taxes.
7) Whipped Cream – Why do you say it that way, with so much emphasis on the H?
8) Lollipops – ooh, wah, la lollipop lollipop
9) Dairy – Cows
10) Your father – YO MAMMA!
11) Pizza – Yummy

Are You:::
1) Happy – Tough to say. I’m in an outstandingly much better position than I’ve found myself for quite these last many years; but to say that I am in fact ‘happy’ may not be an appropriate estimation of my current status
2) Sad – Meh, not as such, no
3) Religious – Not as I once was.
4) Messy – Yes, I can and do take less care of some things than I should.
5) Slacker – I would say that I am an ambitious slacker in that I most certainly do my work with vigor but do not find myself often desperately searching to add more work to my life
6) Selfish – I certainly can be but I would say that my programming, upbringing, and decisions have all been an attempt to stem those selfish urges and live a more servant-hearted life
7) Untrustworthy – Not as such. I may not keep everything silent when requested but I do keep my word.
8) Loyal – Yes, to a point.

Miscellaneous :::
1) What color is your jacket – Black.
2) Do you shave – Not as often as I should
3) Is cussing a necessity in life - I can go without it but I do find that limiting my use of swear words means that they have all the more impact when I use them
4) How about coffee – I find that I don’t much like coffee which is abhorrent to my family and closest friend.
5) Can you live without a microwave – I could but I’d rather not if I had the choice
6) What is wrong with school – The people in charge of enforcement and evaluation seem to take delight in ignoring every bit of scientific data and research known to man as to how best children learn and what it is that children need
7) What is right with school – It is an attempt to raise every child up to a standard level of intelligence
8) Do you talk to yourself – Rarely
9) Can you afford to lose weight – Yes, and I am trying. At last OFFICIAL count, I’d lost 12 pounds… I’m hoping my numbers at the end of this month show a total loss of 20 pounds, but that may be asking too much.
11) What would you change your name to – A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. If I were to change something about myself, I would not start with my name.

12) Time Finished – March 8th, 13:42 ( 1:42 p.m.)