Feb. 20 - Lachrymose in Posso's Prompts

Lachrymose (adj:) tearful or given to weeping.

I am a crier. Always have been. Sometimes it’s the most random things I’ll cry about and it’s always bothered me - what’s wrong with me? Why am I crying to the ending of this book that wasn’t even remotely sad? I tear up to The Notebook. Every. Fucking. Time. I literally give myself a pep talk before watching it and I think it’s now become a competition to see if I can actually make it through a sitting without bawling. It’s also effective for compatibility for me; if you can’t cry with someone over a sad movie, it’s not really going to work between us.
Lately, I have been able to remember the times I’ve been crying, mainly thanks to the fact that I haven’t held it back until I was black out drunk like I had been doing. It hasn’t been often but I teared up when I was finally done with radiation again. Tears of joy came out of me when I walked out of those hospital doors just thinking that I wouldn’t have to be poked and prodded daily. I choked up when writing about my most recent ex because I still can’t get over the realization that I ruined it. Bawling about full year that Heather’s been gone. It’s taken me a while but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being emotional. Coming off as being tough or hard always can be detrimental. A good cry for me lately has made it easier to sleep at night when I think that I’m going to be awake for two straight days. Putting on music that reminds me of Kylie and rolling over under my covers and tearing up makes me feel better actually. I clearly don’t recommend obsessing over crying but sometimes it’s just a necessary mechanism and an option you have before you think you don’t have any left. I’ve needed that kind of option a lot in the past year.