i left mid sentence last time because i had to get to work, i don’t really remeber what i had said but since then i still haven’t cried nor have i talked to Shalma, or anybody really… don’t get me wrong i have friends and maybe i laugh twice a day, gossip has been in and hot but i can’t tell anyone. I used to tell Shalma but with melissa being around i worry (maybe unecessary) of her saying something about it. Tommorrow is her birthday, since she left we had talked about going out and doing something for it, and now i wasn’t so sure if i was even invited to whatever might happen that day; maybe i should call her and ask but my low rise anxiety keeps telling me not to, either she’s busy or i should just understand she’s over us.
I thanks prozac for these moments, that give me sanity to not make a scene or cry, and god i have tried to, my inner me says shalma will be the breaking point, it could go two ways, either i see her again and we connect making me feel like r no matter what happens it’s still us in my living room talking theories and eating or… i will feel detached, probably act serious and just feel that the only friendship i had built on for the past 8 years has now drifted apart; i guess i rather not know to be honest but that’s just assuming the second option.
I saw Carlos, he lost weight i mean yay that makes one of us right? he was nice, we joked around a little his friend asked me whether i liked Santiago and i said no, i mentioned i wanted him to date shalma to put me in the clear and he made a comment on Julissa finding out to what i said “Julissa me vale madre” .... super classy.
I had thought about the idea of Santi and i, and he wasn’t particuarlly cute but his moon and sun sign were right, he was the perfect boyfriend, he was smart, kind, a bit possesively toxic but where we live, who wasn’t? he was also funny; but he wasn’t carlos, a scorpio or my type. As i friend with eduardos absence, i was glad he was around to listen, i was glad he had me and that he understood. I know i’m not alone, but lately i have been feeling lonely.
Shallon L. mentoined most girls wanted to have a boyfriend to regulate their existence, maybe that’s why i wanted one, but i also new i wanted to give myself completly to someone again.
In the new group i’ve been hanging out with you have the pretty one andy, th church people analyzer but also sexual one Naye, and the manipulative scorpio merari; they and particuarlly merari and naye, had this extroverted personality, one was getting teachers, principals, to give her money i mean i don’t judge, i do but i get her situation may take her to do those things… i also don’t care alot, and then the other one is kind, she’s good but she’s like this river, just flowing all the time and getting along with the older ones, it’s like she know just what to say. Me on the other hand… not so much, shlama and her mother used to say i was good at socializing and how i always knew what to say, and i guess i did at times, but i also, didn’t especially when it came to flirting with other men or any guys to be exact and that was their territory.
Last updated February 27, 2019