Love - lost of just on hold? in My Thoughts

The events of the last week has been a bit of a wake-up call for me. Am I living my life the way I should be or is it all a cover to hide behind? I realize that many aspects of it are a cover and I make excuses to hide how I feel. My wife and I live our lives on separate planes, and the romance is gone, and only the bodies remain. I try to tell myself that it is not the case, but I know it is. I love her; God help me I love her, but is that enough to continue with? I keep telling myself that given time it will go back to how it was, but I am starting to wonder if that is true.

Most of my friends have never liked my wife. I can only think of one who ever did, Lisa always seemed to warm up to her and tell me that others did not understand her. I think most people feel I should not have married her. She is a hard person, emotionally she is withdrawn, she has a hard time opening up to people, and it shows. I understood that going into the marriage and I was okay with that. Over time though it wears on a person. My marriage is starting to feel like that knife in the drawer that has lost its edge, you don’t want to use it, but you don’t want to get rid of it either. I need to get that edge back somehow.

It started to go downhill around ten years ago when my son was born. I can’t say why or put my finger on an exact event, but that is it. At that point, we had been married for around 13 years most of which were happy. The first nine we lived our lives alone, away from family and friends. We spent time together and apart and enjoyed the time we had together. We don’t do that anymore. We never go out just her and me; there is always someone else involved. We never spend quality time together. I want that back, but I don’t know how to go about it. The romance has gone at the moment, and I feel like I am starting over; the scary part is I have started to ask myself if it is worth starting over. I think I do but I don’t know how.