I took my first chemistry test today. I was so excited in anticipation, I could hardly wait to see how I did. I still didn't get the results but I don't think I did too bad. I don't think I did great either, but I don't think I did too bad. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
After school, I met Lou. We went to a computer fair together and then we went out to eat. From there we went to the mall. I know how much he dislikes the mall but he was willing to go with me anyways.
Keep in mind, it was snowing heavily out the entire time and he had to drive across the state to get here.
I bought a computer at the fair. He gave me his disk that he just bought so I could install word on this new computer. Then he paid for our dinner. When we went to the mall, he kept trying to pay for the things I was buying. I didn't let him buy the makeup but he did pay for the candles. Then he bought me some chocolate.
I am not looking for a sugar daddy here. I am quite capable of paying my own way. I don't think of him in terms of what he can buy for me. It is just really nice to have the tables turned for a change. When I was with George, I was always paying for everything. He payed every once in a while but it was usually me. I didn't mind paying for him until one day when he talked about some other friend of his who always paid for him to do things too and how he just had no problem with that at all. That just really turned me off to all that. When I am with Lou, I make sure I pay for some things. I have just never ever been with someone like him before. Even when I was dating Joe, he never did anything like this. He wouldn't dream of just looking for things to pay for for me.
Again, it's not about the money. It's about the fact that he wants to do that. It just kind of shows me that he really likes me. Since I really like him a lot, it is just such a nice thing.
After walking around in the mall for a while, we walked to the cars. We were just standing there in the snow between the two cars for a while. It felt like he wanted to kiss me but was afraid. I will not make the first move there with him. I started asking him questions about his car (he just bought it) so we sat in his car for a while.
It was snowing quite hard and I knew he had kind of a long drive to work from there so I said goodnight and hugged him. I was really hoping he would take advantage of the fact that he had me in his car and go for the kiss. I could tell he totally wanted to. He didn't though.
I am, in some twisted way, enjoying this "banter". I love the fact that he wants to kiss me but he is afraid to. I am not afraid to kiss him first out of fear of rejection. I am afraid to kiss him first because I need him to be sure that he wants to. If I kiss him first, he may feel guilty after. If he feels guilty, it needs to be on him. He needs to deal with how he is feeling and not place the blame on me for kissing him.
No matter what the deal is with the kiss, the anticipation of it is awesome. I haven't had to work this hard for a kiss in a really long time lol. Truth be told, I am not working at all for it. I am really enjoying the journey. Whatever happens happens. I am happy with him no matter what our relationship progresses into.
At the very least, we are really good friends. At best, we will be two people who fall in love with each other and make that soul level kind of commitment to each other. I will consider myself a very lucky woman either way.