parody of Closer in song parodies

some cheese that's imitation
pressed turkey fabrication
a pouch for lubrication
and some stale cookies thrown in

help me develop hypertension
help me, my left arm's gone numb
help me, maybe go to the store for me
help me, afterwards I'll need Tums

I wanna eat some fucking Lunchables
I want them filling up my insides
I wanna eat some fucking Lunchables
not meat, that's modeling clay
still I could eat them all day!

you can have your buttered lobster
you can have your battered squid rings
you can have your organic grapes
let me eat these plastic things

help me, open this Caprisun
help me, the straw won't come loose
help me, what is this, child-proof?
help me drink this five-percent juice!

I wanna eat some fucking Lunchables
I want them filling up my insides
I wanna eat some fucking Lunchables
not meat, that's modeling clay
still, I could eat them all day!

<spoken> retaining water, that's not my fault
in every ounce, an ounce and a half of salt
the sugar water, the silver pouch
it stains my lips, it burns my mouth </spoken>