Raw in Aftermath

I feel so raw right now. I hurt. I feel exposed. I feel vulnerable. Dont touch me. I’ll flinch away.
I am feeling everything. I cant stop. I cant distract. I cant look away. I cant forget. All I can do it feel it all. Purely. Unapologetically. Fully. I want it to stop. I want it to never end. Other people want me to slow down. They want me to stop. They want me to be what they want me to be. I will not do that. I cant. I don’t want to. I an unable to. This is who I am. This is how I feel. I will not kill myself for others.
Others that dont Care. Who dont have my best interests in mind. People who dont really know me. People who dont care to know me.
This is me. I dont want anything else. This is what it is. Nothing more. Nothing less.
This is life. This is how it is. I don’t control it. I am human. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I cant stop being human. I cant be a better human. I can only be the human I am suposed to be. I cant stop feeling. I dont want to pretend. I dont want to fake something that I am not feeling. I dont want to fake a person i am not.
I want you to be who you are. I want you to feel whatever you feel about me. I may hate it. I may be hurt. But at least its real. At least I know where I stand. At least I can make a clear decision based on the truth. Instead of a lie or mirage.
If you truly respect me you will be truthful to me. Not lie or pretend or make excuses. To gain something selfishly that you do not deserve from me. That will never be genuinely be because I like you or trust you or respect you.
It’s all bullshit and I am fucking sick of it.
It does not benefit me at all.
My life is this. My life pushes me to be courageous and bold whether I like it or not. It has left me isolated completely alone whether I like it or not. I do not believe i have a choice of whether people are around me or not. They all leave anyways. So why the fuck be what you want me to be?

Last updated March 13, 2019