Validation in Aftermath

I want validation from people.
But the right kind.
From the right people.
But sometimes I see myself buying into all the wrong kind.
It buoys me up.
It sustains me.
Sometimes it’s the only kind out there.
That keeps me alive.
It’s sad.
Its disheartening.
I want more.
But I also get mad at myself thinking what do I expect at the places I go?
The people I see?
They are doing drugs. .they are up all night.
They use me.
They are nomads.
But arent I doing the same thing?
I am
But I want more.
But I dont know how to get it.
I deserve more.
I feel stuck.
Where are the opportunities?
Where are the right people places things?
How do I untangle myself from it all.
And when I do I feel like i am left with nothing
Not a stepping stone in sight.
I don’t even really like people.
I try for a bit
But I get bored and pissed off fast.
I dont have a high bullshit threshold
I don’t have a good tolerance for it after awhile.
Maybe better than most.
But when I am done
I am done
Than I’m alone
Crying alone
Having to explain myself to strangers
Who dont give a fuck about me
When did people stop caring about others?
Just because they dont know me.
I suffer.
No money .
No home.
No community .
No real family.
I have to care about people.
Others dont have to care about me.
Is what I am being told daily.

Last updated March 13, 2019