Polar Vortex in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Frozen world is becoming a threat. SUPER cold weather, super strong winds, lots of official government delays. So… we’ll see what happens with my packed Court day today… will it actually happen or will everything get swallowed up in the ice and snow?

Over the weekend, we were supposed to get our Home Theater. Because of the equipment we got, the professional helping us said he would not load the TV into the car. His words were along the lines of “You don’t spend the kind of money to protect this investment, and then damage the TV in transit.” So we’re getting it delivered for free… we just don’t know when the delivery is. Because the world has gone Super Sub Zero, I slept almost the entire day yesterday. Thus allowing Wife to hook up just about everything with the surround sound. So… TV come and we be good.

Yesterday’s redacted entry was largely to do with my history with Ted Bundy. Personal, Professional, Historical, etc. Perhaps it would not have been as interesting or as salacious as the title suggests… but considering my current position in Crime Fighting it is probably best to keep all of that private for now.

Over the weekend, you all managed to write more than 50 new entries! So if Court is more or less cancelled, I’ll at least have lots of reading to catch up on!

Discussing Marriage Counseling:
First and foremost, it certainly felt like the Counselor took my statements deadly seriously. Which is good since they were extraordinarily serious. We started on the premise of “This is what Husband wants. It is a rational need. In so many ways, you two have a good relationship but you know that THIS specific issue is causing big, marriage-risking problems.” So. I was heard. It was established. Then the question became “Wife, you know this is an issue. You know this has BEEN an issue. The ‘I don’t know’ response is not helpful and gives us no place to start if we want to get past it. So, we need to know… what does this behavior PROVIDE for you? What kind of a need is being met by doing this??” It isn’t a surprise, ultimately. It is an Identity Issue. Wife feels unattractive to a deeply personally affecting fault. Despising her appearance has become a part of her identity. Like to the question who are you… I might say “An attorney, a husband, a son, a comic book fan, an anime watcher, a video game player” those are recognizable, articulable facets of my identity. For Wife? She doesn’t have a list. She doesn’t say “Photographer, Wife, Daughter, Anglophile”… she doesn’t have a firm hold on how her identifiers. What she’s got is “Former Tae Kwon Do, Former Photographer, Former Wal Mart Employee” the only Identifier she even embraces in the present tense is “Someone who brutally despises how she looks.” Thus any and all sexual or intimate contact is an attack on the one Present Tense Identifier she’s got. It is also why there is literally nothing I can do to fix this element of our marriage because it is a Personal Identifier that She Alone controls and holds onto. SO… since this key and important problem in our marriage (1) has nothing to do with me; (2) cannot be changed or controlled by me; and (3) personally affects me… it is something that was SUPER important to get out into the open, label and identify, and discuss. Does Wife want to move past this issue? She says she does. Does Wife know how to move past this issue? That is what she wants to work on in her private counseling and our marriage counseling. So that’s where we are.
I’ve told her: This is the last year. We address this, we work on this, we resolve as much of this as possible… or we don’t. We’ve labeled the issue, we’ve shared the issue, now we have to either deal with it or not. And since this is a Her Issue… I can offer support, assistance if/when needed, and cheer her on… but she has to do the hard work. We’ll see what happens. I don’t like that there is nothing I can do but I can stay stalwart. I can be resolved in (1) knowing what I need; (2) “demanding” what I need; and (3) being resolute in what I need.

Because… yeah… this woman is clinging so hard to hating her appearance that she let it cripple her marriage:


Yuuuuuuuuuuup. (Polar Vortex plus Rural Iowa) Divided by Packed Court Schedule equals a very strange day, indeed. A lot more sitting with bated hoping that lawyers and clients and children appear but not knowing and not having any concrete idea of how much of the schedule would get taken care of.

Which does create some problems. You see, these are cases involving Children. So, I even got a positive shout out on this during a morning hearing, I have to be both insistent and compassionate on the record. Where I state, for the record, the State’s desire to hold the hearing this morning due to the rights of the children but, reluctantly, understand the need for a continuance due to the weather. This has happened to 3 cases. Which, on a packed Monday, only “wastes” 100 minutes of my time, leaving me 260 minutes of hearings.

That being said, apart from reading Prosebox during the waiting periods I read a news article or cracked article or two. I recommend this one because too many people still don’t know NEARLY enough about the Toddler Cheeto
http://www.cracked.com/article_26166_5-shocking-family-secrets-trump-doesnt-want-you-to-know.html

Today is shaping up to be a busy and productive one in its own way. Hearings and trying to steer the ship of court. Of course, I got a bloody “Speeding Ticket” matter. In the middle of a hearing where I am trying to protect a 9 year old from parents who DESPISE him I get an e-mail saying, “I was in your county on Sunday and got a speeding ticket. I am shipping out this week and want you to dismiss the thing. Call me back at PHONE NUMBER to discuss it.” Enter the Dragon of my Rage. DON’T SPEED IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO PAY SPEEDING TICKETS How is this a lesson so many have not yet learned?!? If I am driving, as I often do, and chose to go faster than the speed limit… I make the conscious choice to only go as fast as I am willing to be ticketed for. I don’t want a 10 or over ticket; so I stay within 5 miles per hour of the speed limit. Some people get mad at me and/or pass me aggressively… which is fine… if they are willing to be held accountable if their speed should get them in trouble. I just… don’t get/can’t stand this whole, “I made a choice to speed but why should I face any consequences” mentality!

Ah, and now the Board of Supervisors have said that all employees can leave at 3. So… despite me doing the full blast… the County is only open today from 10 to 3 due to weather. I will likely take them up on that offer. Depends on how much I get done before 3!

So, I sit… again… in an empty courtroom. There is an expected hearing that could easily turn explosive as one of the parties involved is legitimately mentally unwell. And I sit, acknowledging that which I still have to do today. After this hearing, I need to file something, prepare for a hearing tomorrow, return an irritating as balls phone call, and send an e-mail. After that, I go home. Where I am to take myself and Wife to the gym in an attempt to get us healthier. Then back home. Where one of us will make dinner. Where I will want to go down to the basement and play video games (as I have 15% of Fallout 4 left) and where Wife will want me to stay with her staring at the television as other people say and do things.
And considering my evening plans, turns my mind and heart to my marriage stuff. I am, indeed, conflicted. Truly, the prime/best solution in our situation would be to “outsource the problem.” If Wife’s fundamental identity is built upon negative self-image… and BUT FOR that, we have a good relationship… if I could get some on the side, that could take care of the issue. But logically, intellectually, understandably… that is not a solution at all. Because if someone else was making me feel wanted, making me feel attractive, and their appearance was pleasing to me (or at least pleasing enough to me that I’d want to shag her)? I would certainly develop feelings for that individual! Which is why the decision for us has been that I can’t look outside of the relationship. IF I could find someone that would have me (that I, in turn, wanted); it would certainly be the end of my marriage. So… here is truly hoping that a double barrel of therapy (Individual/Couples) can help. But… kind of seems like it is in her hands now.

By the way… I did get a hair cut over the weekend. I went from bushy to not.