They'll be shining down on you and I in Diary

I didn't even realize it was Valentines Day until I turned my computer on this morning and saw the little chalky candy hearts on Google. Maybe it's because my romantic relationships have been few and far between, but I've never been in love with this holiday. I don't hate it. But it's one of those holidays that, as far as I'm concerned, may as well be President's Day or Halloween. Not that I haven't had some great Halloween parties. I'm going off on a tangent here....

When I was with my ex, I did enjoy Valentines Day because I had a reason to spoil her with flowers, treats (I don't know why but that word sounds stupid to me right now), and an extra dose of romance. It felt good to go a little overboard expressing my love. In the years I've been single the holiday has felt different. I've felt indifferent toward it, having no one to heap my affections on perhaps being the main reason why. I hope, though, that all of you non-single people enjoy your holiday today. And the single ones, too, if you happen to be a fan of Valentines Day.

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I still haven't taken my car in for repairs. I plan on doing that today. I'd feel better if I had a reason, or even a good excuse, why it has taken me so long to come to this decision. Anyone else would have gotten their car fixed a week ago, no doubt. It is certainly a huge inconvenience to not have wheels that roll properly. So anyway, I'm going to call my dad sometime this afternoon to see if he can follow me to Hammer's and give me a ride back. I've taken my car in there before, and they seem to be fair and honest. For some reason I have an inherent distrust toward auto mechanics. I have an unfair, but nagging suspicion that a lot of them are out to screw you out of as much money as they possibly can. I ought not be so cynical of them, I know. There are honest mechanics out there, for sure.

I'm going to begin a tapering process starting today. I'll let you know how it goes.

This one year on Halloween I decided to play a prank on my aunt. I dressed up as a babushka (a Russian grandmother) complete with a wrap around my head, some old dress, and a broom. When I got to my aunt's house for the Halloween party, I hunched over and began slowly sweeping her porch. She eventually opened the door and asked me to go away. I'm not telling the story very well, but it was so satisfying to pull that off without her recognizing me.

I'm ready to start making some more good memories. I've been down in the dumps for long enough, I think. It might take me some time to find a job. Already it's been a struggle. I have the desire to get better, emotionally for one, financially, physically. In all areas of my life. I'm not very strong right now. That's clear enough to me. So I'm just going to keep at it, keep trying, keep focusing on my goals, no matter how slowly the process goes. Because I'm on the fragile side, I'm not going to run faster than I have strength. Beating myself up over my failures and weaknesses is not going to help me. I know that.

My writing is a little disjointed today. Sorry about that. Well, take care. I hope everyone has a good day, today.