knowing when to quit in Diary

I recently got back from an interview with some insurance company. The name escapes me. :D It was fine, but I knew I wasn't the right person for the job the minute the manager interviewing me started asking question. You know that vibe you get from interviews? Either good or bad. Well, I got a very bad vibe from this guy. I can't put my finger on exactly what it was that bothered me so much about him. Maybe it was his surly demeanor. Or possibly his tie. Either way, I told him flat out that I didn't have a good feeling about the job. I didn't feel like it would be a good fit for me.

And anyway, I applied for so many jobs yesterday that I didn't even know what job I was interviewing for. Lol. That may not strike you as funny, but it does me. And I had to wear a suit and tie into the interview. Not my style at all. Business casual I can do, though. Tomorrow I have another interview scheduled that also requires me to dress business professional. After my experience this morning, I'm beginning to rethink whether or not I even want to interview. The woman who called to schedule it mentioned that she would call me tomorrow morning to make sure I got the email containing directions to the business and whatnot. What I'll do is find out over the phone as best I can if the job is for me, or not, before I waste my time and theirs by interviewing for a position I'm either unqualified for or one that's a bad fit.

It's not that I don't want a job. I do. I really need one. But I also need to be happy. That's the most important thing. And I need to feel a positive vibe about the company and the person who interviews me. Maybe my standards are illogical. However, I'm too old to deal with uncomfortable job interviews anymore.

I still don't know what happened with the last job I interviewed for which I did not end up being offered. The interview went very well. It was probably the best one I've ever had, or so I thought at the time. Maybe I'm delusional, but I doubt it. I shouldn't even be thinking about it anymore. I'm just kind of depressed, today.

Kind of meaning very. It's nothing, though. Alright, so that's another lie. It feels pretty bad right now, but I ought to get over it soon enough. Nothing dire has happened. Life has been going on same as usual for the most part. When I ran into one of my grandpa's caretakers today, she asked how the interview went and I said 'great!'. Pretty ridiculous. Not exactly a lie, but sort of. I just didn't want to be negative, or a downer. No reason to say that it was pretty much a disaster, because the job really wasn't for me. Being an insurance agent? Me? I think not. And honestly, it wasn't a disaster per se, because I was the one who ended it. It wasn't dramatic or anything.

I didn't get much sleep last night. For some reason I just wasn't tired. I imagine the lack of sleep is contributing to my feeling so down. To pass the time, I watched an MST3K episode called 'Agent for H.A.R.M.'. It was so funny. I really needed to laugh. Laughter really is good medicine. Maybe not the best, like everyone claims. The best would have to be Morphine. But still, it felt good to laugh.

My life is a mess right now. I really need to get myself together, start making it happen. Once I eventually get a job, that will turn everything around for me. So I'm keeping that in mind. Whenever I'm not working, I don't do well. I haven't been doing well for a long time. I feel like I have no purpose in my life, like it's just kind of empty and directionless, meaningless. And it's primarily because I'm not working. That's what has driven me to feel this way. The bad choices, the drinking...well, those aren't helping either. At least I'm no longer smoking the herb. That was the worst of my bad habits. It messed my life up the most.

I usually go to the store on Thursdays for my grandpa, but I may have to wait until tomorrow. I don't feel like going. I guess I'm either too depressed or too tired. My bed is sounding more and more appealing, the longer I stay awake. I bought an italian 'round' of bread with rosemary at the store on my way home that's crusty on the outside and soft and delicious on the inside, along with some pizza sauce and Gatorade (the best drink ever). The bread was mighty tasty dipped in the sauce.

Anyway, I hardly feel depressed anymore. Now I just want to lay down. So don't worry. I guess I must have needed to write. I wonder how long I'll sleep. Take care, everyone.