Humph! in Scottish Meanderings

Daughters are hard work as anyone who has one knows.

Mine disappointed me yesterday.

Where I work there are these kick-ass gates which we have to padlock before leaving. They're the kind in 2 halves which get drawn together and slotted into holes in the ground with bars and they're old and rusty and decrepit and heavy. On Tuesday, when I was pulling one half behind me it caught my foot and jolted it.

THE PAIN! One of these sharp-intake-of-breath-and-freeze moments.

After a few minutes I could almost put my weight on the foot but it was sore - I was more concerned about driving home being half an hour away from the house but I managed okay. In the evening it swelled up and the pain got worse but a dose of extra strength paracetamol soon sorted that out. Yesterday it was a bit better but obviously when I was walking or going up and down the stairs I had to do a rather fetching Hopalong Cassidy or Limping Larry act.

Sod's Law it was brilliant timing. I had a physiotherapy appointment I'd been waiting ages for yesterday morning for my knees which have got the start of arthritis but I phoned the clinic to explain what had happened and they were happy to see me if I could get there - the physiotherapist said she would just do a gentle assessment and no jumping around!

All was going well until, unbelievably, in the middle of one of the exercises, she took hold of my foot and twisted it!

THE PAIN!

AGAIN!

That, as you can imagine, didn't help matters too much and when Nikki asked to come down in the afternoon because she'd built a play kitchen which had come for Lily but couldn't finish it in the evening so it was still in fifty bits in her living room I let her know what had happened and also that I was supposed to be working at home because of the appointment. Didn't make any difference - she still came down - and made no effort to help with anything even going so far as saying she felt really guilty because she would offer to walk Trooper for me but it was rotten weather outside and she didn't want to go out in it ......

If I had a bulgingeyesinamazement icon I would stick it in here at this point.

*THEN *she wanted me to go back with her to the flat for tea and so that I could look after Lily while she finished the kitchen. Unbelievable.

Tonight she was miffed when I cancelled going down for tea again because I wanted to rest the foot before a whole day's training tomorrow. It's not like I'm not going to see her for a while - her and Lily are sleeping over on Friday night and we're hopefully going up to see Mum in Inverness on Sunday.

Rant over.

My brother sent me these puns today which I thought were quite good.

• The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

• She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.

• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

• No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

• A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

• Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

• A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

• A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

• The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

• In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

• If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

• There was the person who sent ten puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Apologies for assaulting your brain matter :¬)