Well shit in Trying to Hold On

  • Jan. 9, 2019, 3:44 p.m.
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Got home last night and was greeted by a bubbly huggy wife. Which would normally be okay but I know she’s not had access to her medication recently as it is on back order, so that was concerning. She led me to the back garage to show me the furniture delivery. Fuck. The three piece sectional was split differently than we thought. But the TV stand also looked really long for our purposes. We unboxed the TV stand and began navigating it through the house door, trying to get it to the basement by way of oddly angled smallish mud room (the only basement access). Getting it in the house was fine. Then getting it downstairs. It was heavy. Wife decided not to lift it as we tried to get it downstairs. I think she was being playful just… at the very wrong time. Because the portion of the base she was supposed to prevent from coming into hard contact with the stairs? Came into hard contact with the stairs and broke. Brand new piece of furniture, unboxed for five minutes, already broken. We finished getting it downstairs, I measure the space (much to Wife’s confusion) and we place it in as close to exact middle as we can. Then Wife gets her hammer and nails and fixes what got broken. Then on to the sectional! Left Side? No problem, goes down easy. But now to deal with the split being different than we thought. We had thought that the center piece was 3 seats and the Right Piece was 3 seats. We were wrong. The center piece was 2 seats and the Right Piece was 4 seats (the corner connector being part of the side piece instead of the center piece). Fuck. Center piece went downstairs easily. But now the Right Piece (which we thought was under 80 inches long) is a 91 inch behemoth that we have to try to get into a part of the house where access is based on 90 degree angles. We wrestled with it for hours and finally gave up, promising to try again Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday… and recruiting MBFITWW for Saturday if needed. We can return it if we need to… but that also comes with costs and questions. And it would be almost perfect downstairs where we want to place it. So, we truly do want to get it downstairs. But… fuck I just don’t know if we’ll be able to get that bitch downstairs! Seriously, look at this picture… this is what we’re trying to get downstairs.... just that damned sofa side piece section :(
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Now for filler: Fact Checking perhaps the least honest public figure America has ever elected:

CLAIM: More undocumented people are crossing the border than ever
Since the early 2000s, however, illegal border crossings have dropped significantly, from approximately 1.6 million to just 310,000 in 2017. Border crossings at the southwest border alone were approximately 304,000, with the remaining 3,600 and 3,000 occurring at the coastal and northern borders, respectively, according to U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP).

CLAIM: Criminals are pouring into the United States, unabated
While CBP arrested approximately 16,831 people convicted of crimes between October 2017 and August 2018, 63 percent were detained at legal ports of entry. Not all of the convictions were violent — the majority, in fact, were for drunk driving or previous attempts at entering the country.
Approximately 600 of those stopped at various entry points in Fiscal Year 2018 were convicted of violent crimes, far lower than Trump has suggested.
“There’s no wave of crime being committed by the immigrant community,” Houston Police Chief Art Acevedo told NPR. “As a matter of fact, a lot of the violent crime that we’re dealing with is being committed by people that are born and raised right here in the United States.”

CLAIM: We need a wall, because gangs like MS-13 poses a dire threat to U.S. citizens
FACT CHECK: Mostly false
Like his other claims, the suggestion that MS-13 poses an immediate and major threat to U.S. citizens has little basis in reality. While the Salvadoran street gang currently boasts between 40,000 and 70,000 members, Insight Crime explains, the majority are concentrated in “mostly urban areas in Central America or locations outside the region where there is a large Central American diaspora.”
The United States has identified a number of MS-13 gang members within the United States as well, but the numbers are much slimmer — between 8,000 and 10,000, according to the FBI. That means MS-13 makes up less than 1 percent of all U.S. gang membership

CLAIM: The wall will stop drugs from pouring into the country
DHS officials claimed in their slide show last week, for example, that 1.7 million pounds of narcotics were seized by CBP agents in Fiscal Year 2018. Those figures did not match up with the numbers on CBP’s website, which showed a substantially lower total — 47,945 pounds of cocaine and 67,292 pounds of methamphetamine seized in FY18, versus DHS’ claim of 282,000 pounds of cocaine and 248,000 pounds of methamphetamine.
While those numbers still might seem high, it’s important to note the vast majority of those drugs are being brought into the United States through legal ports of entry — meaning a wall would do nothing to slow things down.

CLAIM: Undocumented immigrants steal American jobs
A 2017 report by the Brookings Institution, a D.C.-based nonpartisan think-tank, contradicts that statement. According to the Brookings Senior Fellow Vanda Felbab-Brown, immigrants both documented and undocumented typically fill positions that U.S. citizens refuse to take, rather than “stealing” work Americans find desirable.
“The impact of immigrant labor on the wages of native-born workers is low,” she wrote. “Immigrant labor does have some negative effects on the employment and wages of native-born high school dropouts…and also on prior immigrants, because all three groups compete for low-skilled jobs and the newest immigrants are often willing to work for less than their competition. However, undocumented workers often work the unpleasant, back-breaking jobs that native-born workers are not willing to do.”

CLAIM: Thousands of terrorists are coming into the country through the U.S.-Mexico border
The DHS talking point, however is misleading. As San Francisco Chronicle reporter Tal Kopan noted last week, the data DHS uses to justify this claim has never been provided previously and applies mostly to air travel.
The 4,000 figure is also vastly overblown, as NBC News reported Tuesday. According to CBP data, fewer than 140 people cited on CBP’s Terrorist Screening Database were stopped at the U.S. northern and southern borders between October 2017 and March 2018.
Ninety-one people were stopped at the northern border during that time period, 41 of them non-citizens or residents. Of the 41 people stopped at the southern border, 35 were U.S. citizens or lawful residents. Just six were classified as “non-U.S. persons.”
Former Obama administration national security official Ned Price noted many of those intercepted at the border were stopped simply because their names matched those on the Terrorist Screening Database.
“The number of people on such lists ballooned in the years after 9/11, with some reports indicating that more than one million names had been associated with suspected terrorist activity. That’s why false-positives, including in the case of crossings at our southern border, are commonplace,” he told NBC News.

By the way, it should come as no surprise that there are at least 10 to 20 other specific statements that are false, mostly false, or unverified. Things like the comment that 1 in 3 women are raped in Mexico and things of that nature. However, I attempted to focus specifically on Border Security measures to, once again, reiterate that we DO need Border Security and Intelligent Immigration Reform but that the Wall is a short sighted useless response.

In short, last night’s speech was a continuation of Trump’s ‘sense of honesty’ which is defined as “If it feels right, than it must be right. The problem is… most Americans, including Democrats in Washington, DON’T WANT OPEN BORDERS. In fact, most DO WANT FUNCTIONING IMMIGRATION AND BORDER SECURITY. The fundamental problem here is that Trump has become obsessed with a wall due to an excess of Fox News viewing. That isn’t my assessment. A conservative anti-immigration group specifically said, “We are very worried that Trump may sacrifice effective border security in furtherance of the Wall.” Therefore, even Conservative Experts think the wall would not be effective border security. So… why are we keeping the government shut down and demanding tax payers pay for a boondoggle? THAT is the part that upsets me most because too many Trump Supporters weren’t/aren’t paying attention. In a UNANIMOUS VOTE 100-0 the Government agreed to keep Government running before their Holiday Break. Trump said he would sign the bill. Then over night (while Washington politicians were packing for their break and running to the airport and LEAVING) Rush Limbaugh, Fox & Friends, and multiple Fox News Pundits lambaste Trump for “not being firm about the wall.” (Their wording). The next day Trump says he won’t sign the bill and declares that he won’t sign any bill without funding for the Wall. So get that! 100-0, unanimous vote. Trump says he’ll sign it. Fox News calls him a pussy. Trump now digs in his heels saying Give me my wall! That isn’t a strong leader. That isn’t even a strong man. That’s an insecure, timid, child. And that’s all I have to say about that.
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WOW Shit got busy for a few hours.

Received an e-mail claiming Bio-Dad beat Bio Mom in front of their 3 children. So I had to initiate 3 separate Child In Need Cases. That transitioned immediately into Magistrate Court where many people even showed up. Of course when people show up… that means it takes longer. Which I don’t typically mind. I’d much rather spend an hour taking care of things than 20 minutes continuing everything because nobody shows up. EXCEPT… half way through court, I get a phone call from the State Attorney General. The Depositions she is taking in our county are taking too long and she has a meeting with the United States Attorney General’s Office so she needs me to fill in. I told her I’d be over as soon as I could… which was 40 minutes later. Luckily she was cool about it. But rolled from Magistrate directly into Depositions for a major A Felony Level Case. That took an hour. So.... on a day that would otherwise be “twenty, thirty minutes of work. max.” I had a fairly busy couple of hours there!

They did teach me something about myself, too. Not exactly things I’m proud of, either.
Spousal Abuse Mommy Situation. Significantly overweight woman with 5 children in an abusive relationship. A few months ago, someone asked why I specifically mention when a domestic violence victim is “young” and/or “attractive.” This example helps speak to that. A young attractive woman (whether she knows it or not) has many options better than “Abusive Relationship” and settling for “he hits me, but he loves me” is not only a tragedy and a waste but makes very little sense to me. An overweight woman with five kids, on the other hand… I see her saying “he hits me, but he loves me” and I think it is a tragedy, but I understand it. She doesn’t think she has options and society has reinforced that perspective by saying “You’re overweight and have too many kids for an attractive single man to be in to you. If you’ve got somebody, you need to hold on like grim death.” Again… I don’t agree, I don’t support it, and I still consider it a tragedy… but I understand it.

The other side of that coin? I found one of the defendants in court today to be distractingly attractive. And no, she wasn’t a conventionally attractive knock out stunner or anything. Her nose was a little big and crooked, her chin wasn’t well defined. But her eyes and hair thoroughly grabbed my attention. And it made me worry (if only slightly) that my Wife may actually be right. She often says that if I got physical affection more regularly, I wouldn’t be as taken by her appearance because I wouldn’t be so hard up all the time. I vehemently disagree with this fact passionately. But I wouldn’t be surprised if the longer I went, the lower my standards got. Which could also describe some other elements in the relationship worries as I was a virgin when we started dating… so she may believe that my attraction to her has always been due to “being hard up”. One possible possibility.
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SO… my Wife may be a genius. She texted me that the Sofa part of the Sectional is downstairs. She confirmed that she got it downstairs. She confirmed that she got it in the hallway… waiting to see if it is actually in the room or not… aaaaand.... not in the room, but that’s totally okay! The sofa is down the stairs, not blocking the stairs, and all of the large equipment for the room is now in or near the room!! And yeah, I may be obsessing but… this is my space. That’s why I’m focused on it. Not even the Downstairs Guest room. I’m just focused on this ONE room because it will be MY space. And getting the large parts done? That’s all I’m angling for right now. Because I want the skeleton in place. I’ve had this idea for months now… and as someone with ZERO artistic talent… I never get to see my ideas become something I can actually SEE. Getting the sectional in, positioning the table and chairs… that’s building my space. I can say, “Here is where we play Cards Against Humanity! And here is where MBFITWW introduced us to The Best Anime of 2020. And here is where we planned our anniversary.” And on and on. The kitchen is fine. The living room is okay. The dining room is fine. Wife put those rooms together and they are all perfectly serviceable… and there are still plenty of spaces in the house that won’t be done for months still. But the main basement room? Getting the furniture in? Yeah. That’s a big deal for me! :)
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This isn’t the first time I’ve done this but I hate it every time I do.
I have decided to give up on catching up. Instead of reading all the back entries I’ve missed; I’ll just try to be as “current” as I can going forward.
I, of course, mean in reading Prosebox Entries. Apologies to all for being such a poor reader.
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Now, I wanted to end today with a rather brutal self-assessment and request for assistance in the form of advice, ideas, etcetera.

So… I started dating the woman that is my wife in the summer of 2005. We got married in the summer of 2011. If memory serves, we started dating on July 3, 2005 and we got married July 2, 2011.

As is obvious to anyone who has read more than 3 entries of mine… sex is an issue in our marriage. I’ve been denied and rejected often. So often that I can now say that I no longer ask. And any comment that may be mistaken for a request is made in jest as I have absolutely zero expectation of successfully initiating.

And I started thinking about it academically and practically the other day. It has been a long, long, long, long time since any attempt on my behalf to have sex with Wife was accepted. So long, in fact, I can’t even remember what I may have done. See, my wife hates romance… honestly finds any romantic gesture or overture to be weird, cheesy, or unnatural. Just… really opposes romance.

Which means I have absolutely ZERO idea of how to initiate a sexual liaison with my wife! I mean… asking her is out, or at least out in that it has never worked. Romantic Gestures are out… because they always have been. And when I ask her about it? She has no answer. I want to know what gets her in the mood, I want to know how to please her, I want to know what I can do to help her/us through this… celibacy… and she has no idea. So… I’m just… how do I seduce someone?

And then that question grows because, should I find myself single again at any point before 40… I have no idea how to do just about everything. I know how to ask someone if they’d like to grab dinner. But I don’t know how to flirt. I know how to lean in for a kiss; but I don’t know how to seduce. And I’m reminded that this is the feeling that stayed with me in High School. To some, I was considered “cool” because I was an attractive Drama guy. To some, I was considered very uncool because I was such a “kid.” And that’s the issue. Going from “kid” to “adult” requires knowledge I never felt like I had. Knowledge about romance and seduction and “being more than friends.” This, of course, resulted in a Catch-22 loop. I had very little experience so I didn’t have the knowledge; I didn’t have the knowledge so I didn’t get much experience. And now I’m a 34 year old Home Owning Assistant County Attorney with a mostly “Just Friends” marriage and… no idea how to even begin to initiate again.
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