Day 7 in Trying to Hold On

  • Jan. 7, 2019, 4:56 p.m.
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  • Public

I worked over the weekend because I want to nail this bloody hearing. Got in to work and immediately started tackling the hearing prep. E-Mailed the State’s 1 Witness. Pretty sure we won’t have to call him to the stand. I’m thinking the whole thing can be won on arguments as it seems the Iowa Supreme Court has already decided 3/4 of the matter. That being said… the hearing isn’t until 2:00. So I’ve got hours to over think the damned thing.

Over the weekend, Wife and I went furniture shopping. We found a sectional we think is absolutely sodding PERFECT and it was on clearance (Wife loves a bargain); so that it was essentially half off. Sectional and TV Stand arrive on Tuesday. I’ll have to move it from Garage Delivery Location to Basement. After that, we’ll need to call Wife’s parents to get the downstairs dining table. THEN all the “large” pieces will be in the Basement Entertainment Room and I’ll be able to really go at it. With Wife’s supervision of course. I want to make sure that there is enough space for the “Dining Area” and the “Sitting area” and the “Home Theater area” without creating any storage or “flow” problems in the space. Then it is a matter of unboxing everything else down there, fitting it into cupboards, cabinets, or buying/creating more shelving… pulling the trigger on the Surround Sound and TV… setting those up… and then after getting a curtain over the egress window, the basement entertainment room will be finished. After that is all taken care of, my next House Focus would be Basement Guest Quarters. So far we’ve been treating it a bit like an unorganized storage room. An acceptable use for it for the moment; but a considerable waste all things considered. Unfortunately, I think that we have more work to do in the Basement Guest Quarters than anywhere else in the house but more and more that becomes the result of finishing so much of the house. At present, upstairs: we need to get curtains set up for the Kitchen; Furniture in the 3 Season Room; consider buying patio furniture for the exterior patio; Buying and Placing Outdoor Fencing. And of course… fixing the damned hydro therapy tub. MAN… if we could get that tub properly squared away, I’d be so happy.

Political Moment
You know what is really starting to get at me? Trumpists and Conservatives delight in painting the entire Muslim Religion as a barbaric, violent, medieval religion that treats women like chattel and abuses the most vulnerable. The favorite words of conservatives are “Honor Killings” because it is a “great way to demonstrate that Muslims and Muslim Nations do not hold sacred the lives of their people.” For purposes of this entry, we aren’t going to argue this point. What I do want to highlight, however: Attitudes towards asylum. Because the people saying “These women are being slaughtered because of these evil men” are the same people saying “We can’t accept any refugees from these countries because they might be terrorists.” And I can understand WELL their thinking; but I still want to call it out. You’re saying “These women are being slaughtered unjustly!” While at the time saying “We don’t want to do anything to protect these women!” That… bothers me. Because what it really feels like we’re saying is, “We know you’re suffering, we agree that it is awful, but we don’t want to do anything at all that might mean there is even the slightest chance of a possibility that someone from another country might commit violence in our nation.” Cuz… really? We’re actively not doing anything about the violence OUR OWN people are committing in our nation… so why are we so gleefully willing to essentially contribute to the violence in other nations under the auspices of “Ew, no. Refugees are bad.”?
Political Moment Over

Political Aside
I have discovered something terrifying as I used some of my Holiday Break to honestly listen to the Conservative and Trump Supporters in my family. The support no longer comes from a “Platform Based” system of values or even an “Impassioned, if incorrect, political dogma.” The support, in far too many areas, stems from one simple impulse: Fuck the liberals. The focus is so rabidly on “hurt the other side”, that the supporters aren’t even asking the important questions like “Would this hurt us, too?” THAT scares me. Seeing people go so far as to say, “Every good American should support the Shutdown. Makes those liberal money wasters look like Illegal loving fools!” Uhm… guess what Uncle Dickhead… the Government Shutdown directly affects your plans to (1) fly home; (2) receive your Federal Tax information; (3) file your taxes; and (4) receive your tax refund in a timely manner. NOT TO MENTION all the other genuine and actual things happening. ANY government… ANY country that cares more about “hurting the other side” than they care about “doing good for the country” is moments away from destruction. Because do you know what would really piss off liberals? An all out WAR with Mexico. Yeah. You think the Border Wall upsets them? Declare war against Mexico and send troops to Mexico City! That will really get them up in arms. You know… it would be a fucking disaster of international politics… but you’d certainly end up “owning the libtards” eh?
Political Aside Over

Obvious Adult Statement
Do you know what I’ve noticed that is irritating? Time is ridiculously fleeting and some days absent entirely. I am an adult man with no children. AND YET… my time is not my own. I am currently in possession of no less than 7 different video games that I have never played. Not to mention the (at least) 4 books that I own and have not read. It is almost a mystery! But then, it really isn’t. Break down the time.
Wake, Prep, Drive to Work, Work, Return Home, Grab Wife, Go to Gym, Work Out, Drive Home, shower, prepare food, eat dinner, do dishes. By that time it is usually around 8:00 at night. If I have laundry, or work work, or house work… that’s my whole day. And weekends are still filled with things! Whether driving down to Des Moines for appointments, or spending time with friends, or seeing family, or shopping for furniture, or shopping for clothes. I mean… I enjoy some of those activities but… seriously, we’ve just been so busy lately! I know Wife doesn’t see it that way since she isn’t working; but for me? Yeah. Gone are the days of 6 to 10 hours gaming per week. Present are the days of “Are we even going to be home this weekend?” And of course to answer that question for this weekend and next weekend, the answer is NO.
Obvious Adult Statement Over

Case Issue Statement
I’m starting to fry my brain on my case now. IF I succeed in this hearing, I still have a Jury Trial to prepare for. So my mind goes to that. We have two defendants.... cases separated… charged with a C Felony, 2 Aggravated Misdemeanors, and a Serious Misdemeanor. Defense is asking to plead to 1 Simple Misdemeanor. In other words… going from a maximum potential of 15 years in prison to a maximum penalty of 30 days in jail. The hang up? One bag of drugs found in the bedroom they share. Case 1, Defendant will state “The drugs are my girlfriend’s. I had no idea.” Case 2, Defendant will state, “The drugs are my boyfriend’s. I had no idea.” And both of those can be successful defenses. Because the law dictates that the State must prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, the specific individual who had possession. And this is tricky because the Defendant most likely to be genuinely guilty is refusing any reasonable plea offers. Because he is a drug dealer in this county known for dealing with people violently. So if he takes a plea deal, he feels he may lose some Rep. I suggested… hey, instead of possibly 15 years in prison… let’s look at 2 years for the Meth and call it a day. NOPE. Even a reduction of 87% of the possible sentence, and he’s like “You can’t prove those drugs wasn’t my girls drugs.” FRUSTRATING. I don’t want to lose my first serious case in this county and I certainly don’t want to lose it going up against a well known drug dealer! On the other hand, if I lose… it isn’t like I’ll be fired. But… I want to do my job well. I want to keep this job for many years. So, yeah. I worry.
Case Issue Statement Over

Emotional Content
This, it seems, is why I came to Law over Acting. In Acting, my nerves were based on whether I would remember the lines properly or cause the audience to laugh at the right moment or cry at the right time. In Law, my nerves are based on whether I am smart enough to find the best argument, whether I am quick enough to argue sharply, whether I’m researched enough to fight strong. In short… acting was nerves that I would not be good enough as “someone else.” In law, my nerves are that I would not be good enough as ME. And that is a much scarier concept. Like… for the first time in months, I’m feeling genuine and sincere nervous… like a “don’t fuck up” stage kind of nervous.
Emotional Content Over


I did… okay. I think. Not brilliantly. Not magically. Not expertly. But professionally. Dedicatedly. I did my job. That is all that can be said. Of course the lead defendant had “little things to say” the whole damned time. When I cited previous Iowa Law that says basically “If someone sees you smoking meth and tells the police, the police can seek a warrant to determine whether you possess meth.” He was not happy about that. But uh… guess what… when multiple people say “This guy is smoking meth. Like… in his car, at his home, just out and about like it was a fucking cigar or some shit.” Then yeah, the cops are going to obtain a warrant, dumb ass. Do your drugs in private if they are illegal. Shouldn’t need to be said. Of course, I would honestly prefer you not do meth AT ALL but some may call me stingy. But then my response is: it is meth. I’ll be apathetic about weed, genuinely concerned about heroin, downright pissed about meth. Because weed? I’m not for it, but I don’t give a fuck. Heroin? I’m worried for your safety. Meth? You’re instantly addicted and it often leads to violence and/or Child In Need of Assistance Cases so I want it the fuck out of my county and out of my state. So… the judge will rule at some point. I’ve put feelers out to my police officers trying to see what they all think about the giant mess. I think everyone wants it to just go away but I’m not the guy to say “Whelp, sweep it under the rug.” If we have a case, I want to go forward or get a plea equivalent to. If we don’t have a case, I want to know WHAT went wrong, why it went wrong, and how to KEEP IT from going wrong in the future.

For some reason while writing that, my mind wandered. I was remembering Roosevelt Pool, Dowling Pool, Ames Pool, CR Wash Pool.... all the strange pools I swam in during my competitive days. And it all felt like a dream. And in some ways… it was. My brain was trying to process all of life and the pain and everything… and since my body/brain wasn’t yet at the “experience the pain” stage… life was just a chaotic, emotional, bizarre mess. So, nearly naked traveling to pools around the state weighing 120 pounds and swimming through water as fast as I could go? That was a different mind, a different body, a different lifetime. That all ended started in the summer of 1998. It ended in 2002. There are celebrity millionaires that aren’t as old as that memory.

And now… after this afternoon, of course… I am tired. Which means I don’t want to go to the gym. But on the weekdays, I’m the pusher. On the weekends, I don’t push. Which means we don’t go. Which is sad and stupid. But on weekdays, I drive home fighting sleep. I arrive and immediately change into work out gear. Wife notices and changes as well. I drive us to the gym. On weekends… I don’t come home from work, so I don’t change into workout clothes, so we don’t usually go.

But… if my list for the evening is completed…
(1) Gym
(2) Shower
(3) Finish Thank You Letters
(4) De-Christmas the house
(5) Discuss whether we want to spend the extra money on Premium Weird Al Tickets or not
(6) Print new insurance forms for Couple’s Counseling
Make food and Eat somewhere in there and then do dishes. And that… will likely be the very most I can fit in to my night before needing to go to bed again.

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