1.) You will only solve food crimes and will demand the title “private ingestigator”.
2.) As a Cuse fan & alum, gotta admit, sometimes SU basketball is more entertaining when they’re bad. The Orange being terrible means we get 3 months of Boeheim saltily trying to convince the press a cartoonishly awful team belongs in the tournament.
3.) Be the world’s fattest Michael Jackson impersonator and perform under the stage-name “Moobwalker”.
4.) Your combination oil-change shop/porn store will be called “Iffy Lube”.
5.) The Oxford Comma is only useful if the reader is willfully ignorant of the context of the sentence so I feel ideologically opposed to it. The Oxford Comma is an answer to a question that can only be asked in bad faith.
6.) I think if I ever release an album of parody songs “Phil Collins’ Greatest Hits” would be a great title. Maybe a picture of myself in a bald cap as the cover.
7.) Step 1: start a gofundme to create actual films from the fake movies Kevin watched in the “Home Alone” movies. Step 2: make said movies. Step 3: ??? Step 4: PROFIT!
8.) In that terrible-looking remake of VACATION, did they change the ending because clearly these days Rusty would’ve just checked Wally World’s website and found out it was closed for the week?