Procrastinating in Letters to my Friend

Dear Friend,

I have never written to you to complain. I know that you don’t like pity parties. I was so mad when you said that for the first time. Like, how could you be so insensitive to people who are suffering? You wouldn’t even allow for a bit of self-pitying? Actually, I was being unfair. You didn’t say “absolutely no pity parties,” just “as long as it’s not JUST a pity party,” that was what you said.

Of course at this time I’m only thankful for you every day for helping me stay strong. You stuck with me all the time and you listened but never let me slide into pity partying mode.

I wonder if somehow you’re able to read these lines, and then you’ll recognize me. For sure, you will. I’ve talked to you online for so long, there have been a few code words between us. “Pity parties” is one of them.

Well just keep going like this, I’ll just forget what I’ve come here to complain about. But it’s okay, I’ve just discovered this site. I’m very excited for it. Over time, I’ll be able to get my story out fully.

I really need to get back to work. I still have a paper to finish and I already know it’ll be crap anyway. I’ll explain in another entry in the future. And I have to pack for my 5-hour flight in 10 hours. And I somehow have to sleep tonight as well. That’s mainly what I came here to write about.

But maybe this entry is for introducing you as well. I wonder if you’re ever able to read this. I don’t tell you several things, in order to keep things safe and all-anonymous between us two. I might just say those several things here. Then you’ll be able to piece together my life. Oh well. I’ve never called you Friend before. You made it clear that you were there to help me and give me the confidence to talk to people in my life, not really to be part of my life yourself. That’s why I’ve never called you Friend, even though you’re very near and dear to me.

I’m doing pretty good at imagining I’m talking to you for real.

Oh well, gotta get back to work now. Glad to see you. Good night!

Love,
Your fangirl.