Winter - 2 in Sadness is just a word

I’ve stopped taking my medicine. I hate how it makes me feel. I am anxious like I used to be again, sad, angry, the whole range of bad emotions. But they feel genuine. They feel like me. I hate them but I also hate me.

I’ve been feeling so lonely and disconnected from everything this last 8 months since my wife started her new job. Sex has been sparser than usual. Which, it was already not enough for me the last few years and now it is even less. She tries and I cannot blame her. She is on medicine for anxiety and depresion and it kills her already low sex drive.

I miss having friends and a genuine emotional connection. It is hard for me to reach out because I never know what to say. It’s not because I am too busy. Lately, my sister-in-law has been my best friend, and I’ve developed feelings for her, most strongly is sexually. Maybe it is just projecting what I am missing from my wife onto her and hoping for a reciporical. But really, I kind of want them both like they both wanted me at the same time years ago. However, polyamory and triads/bigamy is frowned upon in society but I feel like we could make it work.