I fucking can't sleep.
This entry is going to be littered with a lot of cursing. That was your warning.
I don't want to write here. I miss the Other Place.
It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep because I am so, so, so GODDAMNED ANGRY over my daughter's IEP meeting today.
(IEP = Individualized Educational Plan)
(What is really means is, a document designed to restrict and limit the number of things a school district will do for your special needs child.)
(What it further means is a document designed to give parents migraines)
Today was the day that we met with this horrific, awful, fucking cunt bitch slut whore asshole bitchy frosty box.
I don't use the C word that often but I needed to use it. Because this woman just...IS.
She's the woman in charge of behavioral services in the organization that provides services for Chelsea.
She's the woman that keeps insisting that she will not and can not write a goal for Chelsea to include eliminating into the toilet.
(And for the record, I'm not really asking for advice here. I know an awful lot about my state and I know what's up. I know about due process and IEP facilitation, and I know about special education lawyers and advocates...I know all of that.)
She just won't.
When she's asked why she won't, she gives a lot of answers.
What is going to happen for Chelsea is that she's going to get a whole lot of these nifty SDIs (Specially Designed Instruction) strategies. Things like learning the toileting routine. Things like following a visual schedule. Things she can already do.
These SDIs don't point to any specific goal on her IEP...because they won't write one for her.
No matter how much I argued, that fucking whore pushed back.
I said, "You understand, that there are children - even children within [the organization that provides Chelsea's services] that have this written into their IEPs."
Her: "Well, we aren't talking about other children. We're talking about your daughter."
She told me that it isn't considered a "delay" in this skill until she turns 5 (3 fucking months from now). I asked her to prove it; that this is an arbitrary number. She said she would prove it but she never did.
Even the director of Chelsea's school couldn't follow the logic.
Her: "We don't think Chelsea is developmentally appropriate for a goal of elimination."
Me: "Based on what?"
The answer is: Based on nothing.
Never before have I met a more infuriating, more illogical, more unprofessional piece of fucking shit woman as this.
And never before have I walked out of an IEP meeting getting virtually nothing of what I wanted. I was so angry (and I normally do well keeping emotions in check) that I was shaking. Jon was with me, and he just was amazed at how slippery sick this piece of shit woman was.
Stupid fucking cow. I wanted to threaten her, I swear to God I wanted to reach across the table and slap her fucking face. I could feel my palm tingling...dying to make contact with her bitchy, full of shit cheeks.
"We are failing Chelsea," I told her. "We are failing her."
She looked at me. "I have explained this three times. Can we move on?"
It's like a red flag in front of a bull to me when someone talks that way but she has nothing to lose and I do. She authorizes Chelsea's one-to-one aide..and she could try to take that away. That fucking whore has nothing to lose and is probably sleeping well tonight. But I'm not. And I have a lot to lose....CHELSEA has a lot to lose.
Fucking whore. I fucking hate this woman with a venom that could kill a thousand people and extinguish a thousand suns.
I so rarely lose. I am a good advocate for my kids, but I am also highly emotionally invested. Normally, this is not an issue and I can do a good job. Today, I didn't. Today I let my voice rise too high and my fingers point a little too hard. I've never met someone so infuriating, but I wish I had done better. I know I said all that I could say...but I hate failing. When I fail, Chelsea fails too. She can't afford to fail.
Dammit.
So I'm awake. I'm listening to Tool because it's angry music with meaning and I don't feel much like Alice in Chains.
I can't sleep because I can't shut my brain off...because I want to nail this bitch to the wall....because I am infuriated.
I should have taken a sleeping pill and now it's too late at night to do that.
Don't you hate it when that happens?
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