no26 in idea barrages

1.) A Mr. Rogers song about facebook: “These are the people that you maybe know, that you maybe know, that you maybe know, oh these are the people that you maybe know, they’re the folks you’ll never meet, though they all look really neat, you’ll won’t meet let alone have sex!”

2.) Sometimes I’ll sing the end of Hey Jude but instead of singing “Hey Jude”, I’ll just yell “BATMAN!” “Nah-nah-nah nah-nuh-nah-nah nah-nuh-nah-nah BATMAN!” I’ll also do this with the nah-nahs at the end of “Lovin Touchin Squeezin”.

3.) If you replaced the soundtrack to a sex film with, like, really classy instrumental Christmas music, it’s probably 100% funnier and 1000% less sexy.

4.) If you’re the Scientology officer in charge of celebrity blackmail material, would you say that you’re on Cruise control?

5.) The psychic wanted to be paid in cash, the client could only pay with sex but after some intense negotiations, they ended up with a happy medium.

6.) On a long enough scale of time, all buildings will eventually be a Starbucks.

7.) Everybody talks about how weird it is that Disney Ducks don’t wear pants and everybody talks about how weird it is that Uncle Scrooge swims in his fortune but nobody talks about the shared implication there. Talk about coming into some money!

8.) I’m not “overweight” I’m a “value-added hunk”.

9.) Physics and Catholicism are very similar because when I had to go to mass, all my energy was converted away too.

10.) In my head-canon, Friar Tuck’s villainous equivalent in the Sheriff of Nottingham’s team is named Felonious Monk.

11.) The indignities you’ve suffered by not being a prodigy, by struggling, by failing, have taught you things about being a real human being, about being compassionate and humane, that the lucky will never know. This is your sword and shield in your second act.

12.) A website commemorating dead memes called “I Culd’a Had Cheezburger”.