Feeling super sad in the last two days… missing my gramma… A LOT. I put out some wintery/christmas decor to try and lift my mood. She always loved xmas. It seems to have done the opposite, though. Normally I’d be dying to put my tree up by now but I’m scared. I’m scared that it’ll make me feel sad. But on the other hand, I haven’t really gone through the motions of grief at all yet.
She was really important to me. She was a massive part of all of our daily lives. I feel like I’ve lost a parent sometimes. I always want to call her and tell her things. But then I catch myself, and realize I can’t do that.
I think all this emotion stemmed from the dream I had about her the other night. I’ve only had 2 and a half dreams about her. The first was quick, she rolled by in a wheelchair, she was smiling, everything was white. White seems to be a theme when I dream about her… I don’t really know what that’s about…
The second dream I barely remember now but it had to do with her visiting me. I was so happy that she finally visited. Everything was white. I reached out and hugged her and said “YOU CAME TO SEE ME! YOU CAME TO VISIT” and she looked at me and said “of course I did”… Felt so real.
Third was the other night, she came into my mothers back door, everything was white again. But it was as if we were looking at a memory. You know how when you are on facebook and it shows you what you did that day, last year, 2 years ago etc? It was as if we were able to re-live the memory from the year before when she walked through the door in her pink jacket. I had come up the stairs to see her walk in, and I said wow! This memory is so vivid. I called out to my mother, told her to hurry because we wouldn’t be able to see this memory for another year, and that its the freshest memory. We cried and kept hugging her, and feeling her jacket like it was real. She was getting annoyed with us haha. She was like “Oh my god, ok, enough you two, why are you acting so weird??” lol I just cried and cried and cried. Then I woke up.
Any dream interpreters out there?? lo