I’ve been hallucinating.
Mostly it’s sounds, like music sounds. Xylophone or drum noises or like a popping, basketball bouncing, someone talking indistinctly, singing. It’s usually outside so I go looking but it stops when I “get close”.
I haven’t told anyone because I know it means I need to go to hospital. The kids have no one except their dad, who will send them the care, and the day care boy keeps talking about stabbing my girls in the face or shooting everyone and blowing up primary schools and not caring about life. So that’s not ideal.
I know I should see the Doctor, but I don’t know if he can forcibly admit me, so I probably won’t go in case he can.
I upgraded my car because mine was starting to have problems, less than a week later the clutch went in the new car, and the alternator went in the old car. Being stuck at home isn’t helping. I’m not sure how I’m going to get to work tomorrow or the entirety of next week.
I know I need more sunlight and less sleeping inside with the block out curtains drawn until 3pm and I know I should exercise and eat better for my mental well being.
I know I should make the kids get off the tv and computer all day for their well being, too.
I wish they would just do what they are supposed to do like shower and brush their teeth and change their underwear without having to be told, nagged, into doing it.
Sandra came to visit me today. I had literally just gotten up and only because I had to collect children from school. I end up calling and telling them to walk home. She said she had been worried and I said she probably should be.
I find it difficult to give a fuck about that friendship when she hurt me so bad 18 months ago.
-SP
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