Get me past the ghost of you in Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Ending things with W might have actually been harder than ending things with Adam. Either way. It’s over. It sucks. It’s hard. It’s so, so hard. I spend every minute of every day trying desperately not to text him. All I want are distractions so I don’t listen to sad songs and cry. I miss him. I want him. I can’t fucking have him. I know eventually we’ll be okay and we can be friends but right now my poor heart is so broken. Twice in one year. Fuck me.

I’m filing for divorce from Adam. I won’t do it until after the holidays because I just don’t want to go through that during Christmas, but I’ll probably look into getting all the paperwork in order. He’s being a total dick to me and I don’t understand why. I have tried so hard to make his life as easy as possible, and he acts like anytime I ask him to do anything I’m asking for the world. He didn’t talk to me for three days and when I took the kids trick or treating he acted like I was being rude for not waiting for him. And when I said I never have ANY IDEA when he’s showing up he became a total jackass about the situation. I’m just done. I’m done trying to make it work. I’m done comprising everything I want and need in a relationship. I’m just done.

2018 is cancelled. 2019 cannot suck more than this.

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