Now Playing: “Sedated” - Hozier
Every negative pregnancy test is a punch to the gut. I am currently 4 days late for my period and feeling sort of… funny. Odd symptoms I don’t usually have, like swollen/tender breasts, a ton of heartburn that I don’t usually have, etc. I have taken 3 cheapie strips you dip in a pee cup and they were all negative. I was so sure I was pregnant that I ran out to CVS and paid 22(22!!!!! wtf??) dollars for two name brand “early detection” pregnancy tests. Those were negative, too.
I could cry. In fact, I did. A lot.
I was taught that if you had unprotected sex, you almost definitely would get pregnant. I have been through several cycles, have had unprotected sex almost every day, in any possible position, and nothing. I have lost a substantial amount of weight. I am healthy. I take prenatal/fertility vitamins every day. I’m beginning to think that there is something wrong with me.
Why can’t I get pregnant?
The doctor’s office told me I need to have been trying for two full years before I can even make an appointment concerning fertility. I know I haven’t been trying as long as some, but damn. The lack of a line is heartbreaking.
Also, immediately after having taken the test, I got INTENSE menstrual cramping, like the universe laughing at me and AF announcing she’ll be here in the morning and she’s happy she got my hopes up.
ugh.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
DH met with the lawyer today. More “hurry up and wait” type stuff. If all goes well the litigation will be done summer of next year. No amount of money will be enough to cope with the fact that his shoulders are permanently injured. He will struggle to carry and hold things forever as well as drive and do, well, basically anything.
MinionMom went with him to the lawyer as PlantMom was working. She is completely shocked at how much this whole thing has put a mental and financial toll on us. We had to pay for a new car, countless medical visits, time missed from work, etc. I guess DH laid everything out for her and she was upset and worried. He gets his worry from her.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
FiL, from now on known as “Dad” cause as long as I have a good Dad I’m gonna use that name, is doing okay. He wants to ask his doctor if he can go off of his chemo medicine for the holiday season because he doesn’t wanna feel sick. My knee jerk reaction is “YOU CAN’T GO OFF YOUR MEDICINE! YOU’LL NEVER GET BETTER THAT WAY!”
and then I remember that it’s a life-extension measure. He’s never going to get better.
Figures.
I finally get a good dad and he’s not long for this world… I couldn’t type the D word. It hurts.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
DH had a panic attack today which is rare for him. I don’t blame him with all the shit that’s going on. I can’t lump on my empty-womb sadness to his worry ball today. He’s having a hard enough time as it is.
We could really use some good news right about now.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x
-
Do you have any big plans for November?
I don’t think anything. -
What upcoming event are you most looking forward to?
Christmas trip, though hopefully, pumpkin carving will be fun on Saturday. -
What was the last song you heard?
Drew Barrymore - Bryce Vine -
Quote something from last night: “Antioxidants bandanas”
-
What time did you wake up today?
7:40AM -
What does your last incoming text say?
“Okay.” -
Is there a vase in the room you’re in?
I looked around to check but no. I don’t think I own any vases. -
Any plans for today/this evening?
Sleep and inevitably waking up to my period -
Have you recently been insulted?
Not that I can remember? I used to get insulted all the time but I don’t anymore. -
What is the radio in your car tuned to at this exact moment?
92.9 Boston’s Alternative -
Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone?
Not really. -
How many days a week do you work?
Four to five, usually. -
Are there people you feel more connected to than others?
Doesn’t everyone feel this way? Isn’t that why we have friends? -
Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others?
Yes, my husband. He can tell what I’m thinking before I’m even thinking it sometimes. -
Are you more like your mother or your father?
I try to be more like my mother, but in my darkest moments, I think I’m exactly the same as my father. -
Where did your eye color come from?
My mom. -
Describe the pants you are wearing:
I’m not. I’m in bed. -
Have you ever been in a recording studio?
No. -
The myspace picture you’ve had up the longest?
Whichever one I changed it to 12 years ago when I still used myspace… -
Are any of your myspace pictures alcohol related?
No, I was like 15. -
What is your worst relationship quality?
I am INCREDIBLY critical. If you haven’t done something I think needs to be done to the specifications that I think it needs to be done, I am immediately irritated and naggy. I’m working on it. -
What was your most recent serious injury?
I have a cut on my hand that I got lavender dish soap in which swelled up like a golf ball… but other than that, nothing major. Even that wasn’t major. -
What were you most recently happy about?
We’re getting a new bed! -
Are you happy with the way the Yankees are playing?
Fuck the Yankees. -
Are you a fan of cake?
Do you like cake? Do you like my ass? -
What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to?
Maybe one of my Papa’s… I have two but I haven’t worn them in years. -
When was the last time you were hit on?
An old guy at a grocery store called me cute a couple of months ago… -
What is the next concert you are going to and where are you seeing it?
Not planning to go on one anytime soon. We have Christmas to worry about and DH’s medical bills are killing our savings. -
Name someone you know who is most likely to be found at a bar on Wednesday night?
My cousin Ashley and her husband.
xx
ladylexapro
- Stevia chocolate
- Soft tissues
- The ease at which I can look up any music video
Loading comments...