Well I made it official. I talked to J. about the wedding and being a bridesmaid. Not only does she not want to be a bridesmaid, she doesn’t want to come at all. That told me everything I needed to know. She made it clear we are not friends anymore. 10 yrs down the drain like they were nothing. K. is trying to defend her, probably because they are still friends, but I don’t think there is anything to defend. She made a choice, plain and simple.
I get it, people get busy but you always make time for your friends no matter what. I see her making time for everyone else so I know she can. She just chooses to not make time for me and they way I see it, she has made the choice to not be friends. To not stand up with me on my big day like we have talked about for years shows me I’m not worth much to her.
It hurts and I’m upset about it but I’m getting too old to care. Just cut my losses and figure out what to do next. I’m used to people leaving and as much as it sucks, I don’t have time to cry over every loss. I’m better than that and if people can’t see my worth, fuck ‘em! I will have to talk with my fiance and figure out the bridesmaid/groomsmen count conundrum and go from there. We have one solution depending on if my sister can come. If she can’t our problem is solved. But if she can…I need a backup plan. For now it’s a waiting game to hear from my sister where ever she is.
Being sick when this happened was rather lucky. I wasn’t feeling well enough to think so I couldn’t dwell and cry like normal. I’m grateful for that. She doesn’t deserve my tears.
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