and they're out in 2018

8:11pm

Well, where should I start today?…

I guess, like everyone else, I should mention that it’s October 1st already! How the heck did that happen? It doesn’t feel anywhere near October at this point. I know the end of the year always goes by so fast too! I am looking forward to the holidays this year, but I know that they’ll come and go way too quickly then I’ll be back at work full-time [and trying not to explode from the stress that I know this new season will be…].

I’m going to try very hard to remember to enjoy every day between now and the end of the year. I know that when things get busy it’s easy for me to just jump from one thing to the next and not entirely enjoy anything.

Today is a day of sadness though. I declared it would be. My neighbours moved all the rest of their stuff this morning. =( I’d woken up around 7:15 but eventually fell back to sleep, only to be woken up again by loud banging on the door. I figured it was going to be one of those days so instead of wandering around in my pajamas for a while I immediately got up and went to take a shower. After that I came out to the front room to discover the neighbour’s vehicle in our driveway [probably why she was knocking] and a huge semi-truck backed into theirs. cries

I sat at the table for a while sipping on my coffee and watching out the window. After breakfast we ended up going outside to fix the sprinkler [which apparently exploded this morning - mom’s not allowed to use the lawn mower anymore…] and by the time I got there mom was already talking to her. Chatted with us for quite a while. They’ve been really chatty now that they’re leaving. hah. He even came over and sat on our planter a while later to talk to us for a couple minutes. He didn’t say much but I could tell he was sad and it was hitting him that his big ol’ house was empty for the first time in 20-something years!

They left around 11:30 and as she was hugging us good bye she told mom not to cry, but I’m pretty sure she was the one about to cry. Probably cried the whole 45 minutes to their new home. =| I’m not exactly going to cry but it is sad to see them go. I’m not exactly the best when it comes to changes either, as everyone knows! They’ll be back tomorrow/Wednesday to clean up whatever remains.

And because I’m nosy, I asked when we should expect our new neighbours. I was thinking in about 2 weeks. Like mid-October from what I’d heard before. But this morning she said they should start moving in on the 8th - next Monday!! gasp

Not that this is a bad thing! I’d much rather get it over with sooner than later. The anticipation is killin’ me. If it were anyone else I don’t think I’d care, but here I know exactly who’s moving in and I clearly have a history with the family and so I’d just like to get it over with already.

I’m being slightly delusional in thinking that this suddenly means I’m going to run into TF all the time. I know this isn’t true! But it’s the possibility that’s causing me anxiety. I don’t even know why I’m so freaken worried about it. Like I know the main thing is that I’m scared he’s going to say something flirty to me and I’m going to fall all over him again. I’m scared that a new obsession like that is going to lead to hurt/pain/sadness/depression. Don’t even ask me why I let him affect my emotions so greatly! I’ve never had any control over it!

So basically I’m just scared I’ll get hurt again. shrug

Part of that being my fault because I can tell I’m starting to get needy again. Craving affection and attention. As sh*t as every thing turned out between us, he made me feel freaken sexy and that desire drove me wild! It wouldn’t be hard at all to jump back in those murky waters.

Seriously, the thing that bothers me about him is probably an overreaction by anyone else’s standards. I mean I read on here about the interactions between women and men these days and shoot maybe I am a prude! I just can’t turn off that conservative switch! Honestly I don’t think it would bother me much at all if we were in a more serious relationship. Or any kind of relationship at all! It bothered/bothers me because he never tried to get to know me. Like I’m totally fun, and easy going, and super laid-back, but not at the beginning. I have to get comfortable with you first and we moved so fast that I didn’t know what to do. Just give me a freaken second and then you can say every thing you want about my ass and I’ll give you a hard time about it in my witty sarcastic way. Laughs all around after that!

I feel like most girls would be flattered to have a guy talk about their ass. Dude’s got like an obsession with it and I seriously don’t even think it’s that great. haha! But the way this modern world works I feel like I’m the only crazy girl complaining about that. heh. I don’t know? Does any of it even matter?

There’s a draft sitting around about our contact back in August. Basically after I got over myself I confronted him about the comments. Told him I wasn’t some young girl in a club and he needed to step up his game. I told him that I needed to accept that he was a pig and super crude. He said something about being an ass [hah] at some point. I probably also said things about how he wasn’t a gentleman and only gentlemen could see the list of things I could show him [it was some random rabbit hole we went down haha]. So yeah. That was our last, more than a few words, conversation and I think he knows exactly where I stand. I’m not trying to take it all so damn seriously any more but I don’t think I’d ever said it all straight up like that.

I want to get that first random encounter out of the way and then I’ll be totally fine [I hope, and pray, and cross my fingers, and knock on wood, etc, etc]! We’ll see.

In other news: I went to the airshow with the client this last weekend. It was nicer than expected! I’ll try to give a little more detail in an entry tomorrow. Although, I still have way too many classes to take so I might be doing that with my extra time at work. This is long already, as per usual, but the day felt like it needed some documenting. =P

rose.
9:41pm