Big Girl, New Heights, New Things in Ruminating

Trying new things…
Despite the judgement from those that know me, and don’t know me. I feel like I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m ready to have fun. I wasn’t really a sheltered child, but my mom would always refuse of The fun things like concerts parties, clubs. Telling me if I did all of the fun things as a teen, then I’d be bored as an adult.

So now I’m 28, single, decent job, no children and a masters degree. I want to do the fun things. I just got my first job at a bar. Sounds backwards As fuck based on my current ”life status”. The job is really fun as fuck.

For the first time I really feel free, and wildly beautiful. Like… I’ve never had a poor self esteem, but I’ve never used my “looks” to earn anything. Ive never thought of myself having good enough looks to get anything out of life.

So I’m here pouring bottles, waitressing and earning crazy tips. I got this gig because I’m beautiful. I earned crazy tips my first night as a bottle girl /waitress simply because I’m beautiful.

I was self conscious because I’m a little thicker than the other ladies, but I’m earning the most … That thrown my modesty bullshit out the window lol.

Im rambling here, but I feel really great. Still battling my depression, but I’m MUCH less disturbed by my weight, and self consciousness.

Is this Gods plan for me ?? Either way I’m extremely thankful for this part of my peace.

Love.