3/12/06 in Victim of Society

Having such a fucking blast on Thursday, it was hard to cope with this lame ass weekend which involved nothing but me working then going home and sleeping.

Well Margot and me were going to go to this rave party friday and I was all excited for that but the fucking rain ruined it and she told me she was too tired and wanted to hang out with Scott so I was like whatever no big deal I was kind of tired anyways, so I just went to bed. Last night, was the grand opening of CLUB BLONDE in new port beach. I was sooooooooo excited for this night for so long. They were giving out free booty shorts, free thongs, and free skirts to all the ladies who got their before 10 pm. I got off work early, got ready and was waiting for Margot because she said she would be at my house at 8:15. Shortly after 8:15 comes I call her up and she says she is too tired and wants to just hang out with Fabian, but I heard like these girls laughing in the background. I had a feeling she was with Emerald and them-her new speed buddies. I asked her where she was at and like she paused and was like "umm im with umm fabian hahaha" And I was like "are you with emerald" and she said Noooo like all sarcastically and was like "but im going to hang out with her tomorrow" and then more laughing........I was PISSED!!!!! this night was supposed to be one of the fucking most fun nights ever and because of margot I couldn't go. That just made me realize I need some more fucking party friends because margot is my only one and I cant rely on her any more especially since shes doing speed all the time now. UGH! I seriously didn't know what to do I wanted to cry. I changed my clothes took off my makeup, all that time getting ready for NOTHING. I drank a few beers by myself watched tv, talked to andrea and craig about everything, cried a little bit, then went to sleep. Not only that but Eddie never called me and when I tried calling him he just ignored my fucking phone calls which also makes me realize I dont want to get involved with a guy like him anymore. what was i thinking. its just bullshit that i have to wonder where he is all the time and have him ignore my fucking phone calls and have him only hang out with me when it is convienent for him which is between the hours of 1 am and 4 am Sunday-Thursday. It's just fucking bullshit. You know I need him sometimes and want him sometimes and whenever those times come he's not fucking there but whenever he needs or wants me there I am there in a fucking heartbeat and it's just ridiculous and I cant even talk to him about this because whats going to happen?!? hes going to think im falling in love with him and want him so much and are all attached to him. well i should just tell him FUCK YOU IM SICK OF ALWAYS BEING HERE WHEN YOU WANT ME AND YOU NEVER BEING AROUND WHEN I WANT YOU!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH