fresh starts in 2018

10:40pm

I am going to try to avoid most of the boy talk I normally get drawn into because that’s been causing major procrastination around here. Who knows how many times I’ve sat down to start typing about it all and I don’t even get through the first word. I mean, it’s part of my typical M.O. I tend to avoid all the stuff I really want to say. It’s causing me to also avoid talking about the simple every day things I have going on that I would like to document so Bullets!

• We’ve been working on the new floors. We finished the guest/office on Tuesday..well, officially Friday because we were missing nailing in the base boards. It looks great. Fresh and clean and pretty. No more carpet!!

• Started my room a couple days ago. Tore up most of the carpet on Friday. Began laying the floors yesterday. Ran out of supplies today after miscalculating some cutting/edge work and went to get more. Will finish tomorrow hopefully.

• I had a mental breakdown yesterday morning when I had to empty everything out of my room and it was overwhelming! 1) It was the morning. I don’t do mornings and had only woken up like an hour earlier. I was so not ready to deal with that. 2) That room basically contained every thing I’ve owned since I was a little kid. Like EVERY THING! Ugh. So overwhelming for someone that has way too strong emotional attachment to things. [and has been a bit of an ocd pack rat…]

• This overwhelming feeling I have when I look at all my sh*t spread throughout the house has had a positive effect though. I am so not attached to things the way I once used to be. Throw it all away! hah. Not really, but close. Nothing is going back in that room that doesn’t get sorted first. [I should find my magic tidying book and reread that for more inspiration…but it’s buried somewhere in all the rubbish haha]

• I’m actually excited to sort and get rid of stuff. It’s going to be such a fresh new start and I am very much looking forward to that. New stuff. New setup. Clean! Finally dealing with getting my life to a place I want it to be. Something I should have done when I moved back home, but I honestly never expected to stay this long. I think I’ve finally accepted this is where I’m at now and I want to be happy with it.

• Did I mention going on a “diet”? I think I briefly did during a rant about feeling bad about myself again. I don’t want to be this sad human anymore. It’s no where near as restrictive as an actual diet but I think it’ll be easier to make lifestyle changes and stick to them long term if they aren’t so limiting. Just cutting back.

• Speaking of cutting back: my drinking. Today I voluntarily had 2 giant glasses of water instead of a cocktail at dinner. I hadn’t done that in ages! I’m still drinking, but I’m averaging 3 days a week [I only started all this August 1st. I think it was 1 day that 1st week and 3 this one]. Does that seem like a lot? Well, try comparing it to my previous average of 7 days a week. o_0 Yeah....better I’d say.

• Found out this morning that my new neighbors to the right are definitely going to be the little family I’d heard about. A baseball coach maybe? That’s what I’d been told by my other neighbor. This morning I discovered they have FOUR kids!! Ages 3-13 I think? I was shocked at first. There’s so much I don’t know about them but I guess a bunch of kids isn’t so bad. Hopefully that means there won’t be wild adult parties going on and they’ll be relatively calm/nice/respectful. Also I like kids way more than I do adults [and the rumor is they’re very well mannered!], so bring on the kiddos! =)

• The current owner [these others are going to rent] said that my other neighbor to the left has already sold their house to TF’s brother. This is unconfirmed. I know they definitely want to sell to them and weren’t going to go on the market, but I don’t know if they are going to qualify. The neighbor was supposed to close on their new house like this week so I guess we’ll hear soon. It’s possible I’ll have new neighbors on both sides in the next couple months depending on when they move out. I know she said she was going to take her time because she didn’t have a deadline.

• I won’t even get into how I feel about possibly having TF’s brother/family next door. It’s not even real yet. I’m going to continue to live in denial until I see them step foot inside that house with all their boxes.
  One thought though: The Universe must really love me, huh? =|

• I don’t know what it was about late this morning but I was outside mowing the lawn in my little shorts and t-shirt [that I got at taco Tuesday for free!] and I felt so at ease. Content again. I want to focus on myself for a while. I know I’ve said that before but I really do!
  Why can’t I fantasize about feeling really good in my own skin? Fit, and trim, and comfortable. That’s what I should be day dreaming about instead of a bunch of boys! I want to fall asleep imaging the beautiful life I’m going to lead instead of how some boy broke my heart, or didn’t want me enough, or isn’t what I need at all. It’s me time! =)

rose.
11:14pm