1.) Your Steely Dan/Beastie Boys mash-up “No Sleep Til Brooklyn Owes The Charmer Under Me” will be the crowning achievement of an age that hasn’t achieved much.
2.) Put a friend in a gimp suit, on a leash, and try to get her or him through the airport as your “emotional support human”. Sure, this is going to end in your arrest but, like, I think it could put the magic back into the on-lookers’ lives.
3.) Sometimes I accidentally click on the “regular” facebook feed that gives you posts willy-nilly as opposed to real time & I’ll comment on things as if they were in real time… then I’ll suddenly think “oh crap, these things are from days ago, am I coming off as a weirdo stalker?”
4.) Stunned by the beauty of his debate opponent, the only arguments he could manage were strictly ad-homina-homina-homina.
5.) A child, far too young for irony, in a tee-shirt with a red white and blue eagle on it “dabbing” with the caption “Dab For Freedom”. Cut off sleeves, even. I cannot begin to unpack this phenomenon.
6.) These humans, he thought, they are so fascinatingly strange and so bottomlessly diverse in that strangeness. If they weren’t so shortsightedly greedy and cruel to each other, I could stand to live forever, just watching them.
7.) Maybe it isn’t that you need to “trust your journey”. Maybe it’s more you just need to trust the people that you journey alongside.
8.) His scheme foiled by the local branch of the Future Bartenders of America, as he was dragged away into the police van he could only helplessly sputter “and I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those muddling kids!”
9.) Why state that you’re “going cold turkey” when you could claim you’re “kicking it, old school”?