“Well, you know I hardly speak…
…and when I do, it’s just for you…
…I haven’t said a word in weeks…
…cuz they’ve been keeping me from you.”
So…this has been a weird day.
Golnar and Brittany both reached out to me.
Brittany didn’t want to get too into it…but apparently her relationship ended and she’s been wanting to call me, but couldn’t bring herself to do it because she didn’t want me to think that she thought she could just come and go in my life and drop me like that and expect me to be okay…and she didn’t want me to think that she was just reaching out to have a shoulder to cry on…
I got her text early in the morning…it was the first thing I saw when I woke up, actually.
I didn’t respond to it immediately.
I actually didn’t respond to it for about 15 hours.
I talked to my mom tonight…she already knows the whole situation, but I brought up that Brittany had just contacted me today…and I told her my feelings are hurt and I don’t know what to do about it…she basically told me that I should keep friends in my life.
So…I reached out to Brittany.
I sent a text back to her.
“I didn’t expect you to be so graceful about it…or try to understand or accept me when it came to it”, she said.
I told her I still love her.
I told her I was rooting for her.
I told her I am sorry it didn’t work out.
I told her I understand why she did what she did.
…and I meant it.
I’ve never had a friend drop me because their boyfriend didn’t want them talking to me…but I understand that situation, and I understand that being with this dude was something she has wanted since before her and I met…I mean, RIGHT before her and I met…haha…in this life, anyway.
I have known her for so many life’s.
I used to call her “Pishi” because that was my name for her when we lived in Persia.
She loves that name…but I don’t call her that anymore.
I feel kind of weird right now, though…like…what do I do from here? Do we just go back to being friends like nothing happened?
Do we talk it out?
Do we need to talk it out?
Don’t we both already kind of understand?
Isn’t it possible to just pick up where we left off, the same way we picked up where we left off the first time we “met” in this life?
Holy shit…the first time we “met”…that’s such an epic fucking story…and by “epic” I mean, it’s not really that exciting but it’s pretty fucking weird.
Basically, I was living in SLC at the time, and I came home to visit OC, and I was visiting my ex girlfriend (who I am still friends with to this day) and we were drinking vodka and smoking blunts when suddenly her roomates came home with some party people…so now all these new people are in my space…or I’m in their space? I don’t know…either way, they’re there…and one of the party people was Brittany…and she was fucking UPSET…she was actually upset over the same asshole that she just tried to make her BF who said she couldn’t hang out with me anymore…
I just remember, she was curled up in this chair, and it was a big chair, and she looked so tiny in this big chair, and from the moment I saw her I recognized her…I knew exactly who she was…in our last life, we were lovers, and she was (and is) very angry that I killed myself.
She’s in this giant chair, and at this point I’m standing up, and I have one of my friends from SLC with me, and he’s loud and obnoxious, and the conversation turns to sex…and Pishi is just sitting in this giant chair, looking at me, and I keep looking over at her, and she keep chiming in about all of these sexual things…and she starts talking about the things she likes, and this and that…and then suddenly I just look her DEADASS in the eyes and I say, “I can make you squirt”.
And the whole room gets silent.
She so casually replies, “I don’t squirt”
I smile, “I didn’t ask you if you’ve squirted, I said I can make you squirt.”
She smiled, “I’m done with you.”
But for the rest of the night she kept making eyes at me…I left her alone and kept to my group.
That night, my buddy and I got back to my parents house in OC where we were staying, and we were getting ready to fall asleep…and suddenly I get a Facebook message from this girl.
Haha…she asks if I want to be her fake boyfriend to drive this other dude into a jealous fit.
I’m like, “Um, yeah, duh…that sounds awesome.”
And that was the beginning of Brittany and I’s friendship in this life.
…a few years later, I got her pregnant…and that was a whole thing.
That was a whole big fucking shit-show of a thing.
It actually put a huge dent in our friendship for about a year.
…maybe two years.
We’re cool now, though…I feel like, at this point we’ve been through so much shit together that she’s kind of ride or die status…and as horrible as it sounds, a huge part of the reason why I’m cool with her coming back to be my friend after dropping me for this asshole is because I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this relationship was going to fail and she would come back to be my friend…
Fuck…I got into a relationship a few years back and dropped her for a while.
What goes around comes around.
It’s hard to have a best friend that’s a woman…when you’re a man…and you had a fake relationship…and then you really fucked a bunch of times and she got pregnant and then had an abortion, not because she doesn’t want kids, but just because she doesn’t want kids with you…hahaha.
Wow…Brittany and I have had such a fucked up relationship.
The best part about it is that she comes from a Mormon family just like me…she would come out and visit me in SLC after we met in OC because her grandparents and cousins all lived out there because MORMON LIFE.
Her family even loves me so much, it’s stupid.
Her brother and her mom and her dad all just think I’m one of the best people ever and they all tell me how much they love me…her mom has made it her personal mission to give me as much love as possible.
Her mom used to come by my work at least twice a month just to give me a hug and tell me she loves me, and we’re still friends on facebook.
I just realized life would be so much easier if Brittany and I were attracted to eachother, haha.
What the fuck is life?
Why does none of this make sense?
What the fuck is this even?
Pishi and I are going to start making a youtube channel about how dysfunctional our relationship is and it’s going to be amazing.
Alright…I’m listening to some bomb ass dis tracks right now.
MURS is my jam.
SOCAL BARS FOR LIFE
I love you.
Thanks for being my friend even though I’m super shitty.
I’m on the right path.
I know it’s true.
Just you watch.
Before I die, I’m going to find that happiness.
And I’ll share it with you.