Most of the time I really am fine. I have convinced myself that I am over him. I think I realized how not over him I really am when I went on vacation with Matt and the kids. Here I am with this nice man who is treating me really well and I start missing Lou. It was an overwhelming feeling. I didn’t say anything to anyone. I figured it was probably just because I knew things weren’t right with Matt. But it almost brought me to tears. When we got home, I told Emily about it. Strangely she was thinking the same thing while we were there. Not that she was close with Lou but she said she wished we were with Lou instead of Matt. Since then, whenever I have thought of him, he calls… as if he could read my mind.
It happened again today. I was just thinking about Lou last night and he called today. Everything was fine but ever since that call I have been so sad all day. I feel so bad about this. I really want to be over him. I know I can never be with him in that way. It doesn’t stop me from loving and missing him though. Sigh.