This seems to be a running theme with me. And I really dislike it.
My ex bf from over 2 years ago… he made me feel like that. Like drugs and alcohol were always way more important than me. That no matter what I did I was never good enough. That fucking reddit and the internet was more interesting than I’d ever be. And it took me a long time to get over and realize that I wasn’t the problem.
Of course last year with F brought back some of those feelings. And I feel some of them stirring lately. Like I just never know with him. Sometimes he does and says sweet things and I feel like he wants to see me and other times he doesn’t text me back for nearly 24 hours and its just so confusing.
I think I need to take a step back until he gets himself situated.
I also need to just focus on me and my stuff. I mean, I’m being inseminated in less than a week. Everyone better be keeping their fingers crossed and praying to whatever higher power they believe in.
My house is also complete bullshit right now. I need to seriously scrub everything. Then scrub it again 5 minutes later. I think tomorrow night I’m going to try to focus on that. And getting laundry put away and just organizing stuff. It would be helpful if I had people to move stuff for me…
Anyways… I gotta focus on being good enough. To quote a Taylor Swift song “I’m yours to keep, and I’m yours to lose.”
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