birthday vent in random
- July 24, 2018, 9:41 p.m.
- |
- Public
so today was my birthday
my family insisted that we go out to eat so we went to a little thai place nearby
chicken pad thai and thai iced tea and cupcakes and key lime pie
i overate today and i feel terrible about it but i think i’ll be going back to that little thai place. its nice to sit down and have a meal that doesn’t feel like two bricks weighing you down
my parents were, of course, asking for pictures and they bought me flowers and gifts
my cousins even came and gave me a gift card
it was fun for those few hours
but last night around 10 i started crying and panicking
i kept thinking i dont deserve to be here and take up space and have all these wonderful things
that panic attack lasted about 4 hours
nothing helped
until i cut my shoulder deeper than i’ve ever cut before, on purpose at least
it felt nice to finally be numb and not think
even right now i’m looking at that cut and the ones from a few days ago and i want to cry again
i want to break down and sob until i reach the point of no return
i know it wont solve anything
i feel ungrateful
i have everything anyone could want.
i have a loving, supportive family without significant financial problems. i have the opportunity to go to college and live a good life. i have pets that i love and adore.
and yet here i am
here i fucking am, an ungrateful pathetic piece of shit who cant just grow up and be normal for once
sorry if you read through this thinking i could be positive
sorry for, well, existing
toddslife ⋅ July 24, 2018
Happy birthday