Confused... in 2018

I’m just confused and stressed.

I guess I got my hopes up. I didn’t mean to, but I guess I just thought if he was kissing me again that it might go somewhere?

I know he’s going through a major loss. But he was kinda distant before that. I certainly don’t expect him to deal with loss the way I would. I don’t think I would want to be alone, but maybe I would. I think I’d want comfort and someone to just hold me. I’d want to talk to someone. He’s not much of a talker.

I chose to not go to the visitation at all. Of course some of the guys at work questioned why I didn’t go. They expected me to go because I’m in management. I told them that I didn’t want to make anything awkward or uncomfortable for him, especially right now. I don’t really think they got it, but B was like “if she thinks it’s complicated then I guarantee we’d think it’s complicated.”

I’m currently just giving him his space, but not checking in to make sure he’s ok is driving me crazy. I’m just going to not text him unless he texts me and if he doesn’t, then I’ll see him on Monday.