life n stuff in random

do you ever get those days where it feels like theres literal tons of weight on your chest and no matter how hard you try you cant move or breathe or do anything
that seems to be my everyday living now
i cant sleep when i’m supposed to and when i do finally wake up i’m basically a grouchy zombie
but
i have a future plan
i dont know where it came from but the plan is to go to a community college and get my associates and then go to a local private college that isnt insanely expensive and get a teaching degree. from there the plan is to teach for a few years in like 3rd or 4th grade or smth and then get a job as a full time librarian. during all of this i’ll save up to buy a nice cozy little two story house. the top floor will be my “apartment” so to speak, and the bottom floor will become an art cafe. i’ll serve fresh baked bread and pastries and sweet drinks and coffee and tea.
its gonna take a while but i feel like i’ll enjoy all the steps along the way
of course, on the side, whenever i get time i’ll be drawing and painting and baking- perfecting the skills i’ll need for the cafe
its out of character for me to actually have hope for the future but here i am