THAT WOMAN IS GONNA END MY LIFE.
Sooooo I panicked. Assumed.. again. And um lost my shit. BUT I am proud of myself for one thing, I didn’t go too overboard.
So I deleted the entry but I made one about a post and I’m still a little scratching my head about it but I think I get it.
She was fucking around with DeeJay cause something another friend said and now I feel so stupid. It hurts. To know I am this damaged.
Background, almost every woman, minus 2, had cheated on me and then made me feel bad afterwards for being so stupid.
Anyway, I dunno how I am going to do this but I need to trust her. I do trust her with my life, like literally. Some where in my head I was like “it was a joke DJ” but I didn’t listen to it. Anxiety wins.
In 32 years on this planet.. I have NEVER felt so jealous. I have never felt so much jealously in a few minutes… it was overwhelming. I’ve never felt it that bad before. Sure I’ve been jealous but holy fuck. The thought of someone else being with her… wow. I can’t even. Hope she isn’t mad at me… In my defense, there’s no context! So yeah..
I feel bad now cause I made her think something happened to me… i mean in a sense it did… but I don’t want her to think EVERY TIME I do that, its gonna be the same.
I mean, on the bright side.. i think she actually cares about me? She does. Fuck I cannot let my broken past fuck this up for me. She’s too important to me.
I have to be better for her!!
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