I'm tipsy, so let's talk. in Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Hi. I’ve had a lot of gin tonight. I’m in the happy place of numb lips and tingly fingers and just wanting to run my mouth. So here we go.

Things with Adam are roughly the same. We have a couple of good days and then things go right back to the way they were. The weekend was really nice? And then Tuesday I came home and I could just tell his mood had shifted. He hasn’t really talked to me since then. I try to talk to him, get him to talk to me, but he mostly just shrugs. And now he’s telling me he doesn’t want to go to his cousin’s graduation party which I am like this is your fucking family and we already agreed to go so just fucking like go.

Dealing with him is exhausting sometimes. Like. I’m sorry if this sounds mean. I know it does. He’s depressed, I get it. I GET IT. But I have been dealing with everything on my own for so long and I’m just tired. There are lots of days where he just doesn’t get off the couch at all. He doesn’t go to work, he doesn’t do anything. And I do everything. And I’m tired. I’m working. I’m taking care of the kids. I’m taking care of the house. I’m taking care of the yard and the grocery shopping and the laundry and the cars and now he wants me to deal with his family without him as well. Like at what point do I decide I’ve given it all I have, and it’s not working? How long do I wait? How long?

If anyone has answers I’d really love to have them right about now.

W continues to be . . . Whatever he is. A really good fuck. He’s sweet and funny and makes me feel good. I’m still being entirely honest with Adam about everything. Adam still doesn’t care. So I keep fucking W. And I really really like it. And apparently his wife wants to fuck me, too, now. Which at this point I’m like what the fuck ever. That may be because I’m drinking. Probably because I’m drinking. But my god it’s just nice to have people want to fuck you.

I can’t believe I’m this drunk and it’s only 630. And for the record the kids are with my mom this week for swim lessons. So it’s just me, alone and drunk. And tired.

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