12/28/05 in Victim of Society

Eddie just ignored me all christmas eve/day and did not even want to see me, never called me back when he said he would. I was beyond pissed/frustrated/sad/etc. Finally I just called him and left a message asking why he was avoiding me. He called back and told me he didn't want to see me anymore because "my parents hate him" which is NOT even true and because "he had to hide it from 90% of the people he knows" WHICH is his fucking choice in the beginning. he didnt even have to hide it. so WOW i was fucking used again! great. i just love how my life turns out. always always always get the shittiest piece of everything while everyone i know like my cuzin jennifer and andrea get all the good pieces. well go ahead world, give it all to them and everyone else while i rot here with nothing. i have no fucking future, a shitty job with no pay, no guy, a fucked up family and finally when i think i have something good going for me OF COURSE NOT! wat was i thinking, something great actually happening to me? yea rite. the only thing im waiting for is the fucking courage to pull the trigger.

so after he fucking dumped me for no good fucking reason, i went to ck cafe and sat there smoking a cigarette while this guy who was sitting by himself next to me was doing the exact same thing. eventually he said something to me and we started to chat. this guy looked like he was at least 25 and he turned out to be 17! it was very weird. he was so smart though and basically told me his life story which was pretty interesting and very very similar to mine so i was intrigued. apparently he dumped his girlfriend because she was just sleeping around with guys she didnt care about before they went out and he didnt trust her very well and the fact that she had had sex so many times with guys she didnt care about upset him. i realized maybe that is how eddie had felt and wished he could have just told me so if that was the case. and i had this immediate urge to go and call him but figured it would be best if i didnt, so i didnt. infact i deleted his number all together from my phone. that is the end of him. i really do not want to see him tonite but since andrea couldnt open today, christiane did so i think eddie is closing. oh well i will find out soon i guess.

anyways i have been job searching all day today and yesterday and so far i think im going to start working at pizza hut because they called me back and i went in to fill in the questionaire thing and they asked for my drivers license, and social security card, which i lost so i have to fucking find a way to get one or else im fucked. ugh. fucking idiots who stole my wallet!!!!!!!! anyways, i hope i can get that job so i can be a pizza delivery driver!! and not a fucking insider ne more meaning I CAN MAKE BANK IN TIPS! yes!!! and they have the easiest fucking job. just driving around listening to music. yea it can be frustrating getting lost all the time but hopefully i can get the hang of it fast. so far i have 160 bucks saved up and a shit load of change. well ne waz im in a pissy mood but i have to "act happy" so eddie doesnt know how im really feeling. i want him to think i went on this fantastic blind date last night so i got my story down and everything. the guys name is "brett" hahahah it'll work and ill be all happy and shit and hell be all grumpy as usual cuz he has no fucking life!!!!! ok neither do but he doesnt get the priveldge of knowing that! muhahahah